Post Op again - Bilateral Matectomy

     
     So I had my second surgery in 2 weeks. I had my breasts removed on March 29, 2016 at 7am. That sentence is hard to say. I had my breasts removed. My husband pointed out to me that this was all being done to save my life. I understand that and I am in agreement with that. However, it hurts. It hurts a lot. So, In this update of my blog, I will just talk about what happened after surgery and where I am today. Some photos, but not many. 

     So I was woken up by a very nice post op nurse. She kindly told me my surgery was over. I reached up and felt my chest area. It was real and it really happened. My breasts were gone. I waited my whole life to get those. I really did like them and I liked having cleavage. I know that is vain. And selfish. And narcissistic. But it is how I felt. Plus, on the humorous side, they made my belly look smaller. So, I felt my chest and just laid there. Brad came back to see me and smiled at me and said "Hi beautiful". I started crying... Not like crying crying, but tears just started coming out of my eyes and I couldn't stop them. He asked what was wrong. I shook my head no. He asked if I was in pain. I shook my head no. He asked if I was nauseous. I shook my head no. He said well what's wrong baby? I shook my head no. The tears just kept coming. He finally said "Are you sad?" I nodded my head yes and more tears came out. I was sad. Very sad. 

     I started out 2016 much like every other year. Nothing special. I had my physician fax an order for a mammogram. 3 days before the mammogram, we found a lump. On February 1, I had a diagnostic mammogram (not routine) and an ultrasound and found out I had 2 suspicious lumps. On February 3 I had biopsies done of these lumps. On February 5 my doctor called and wanted me to come in. On February 8 I was told I had breast cancer. By the time I had surgery on March 14, I had experienced multiple tests, physician appointments and soul searching to decide what to do and had a lumpectomy that turned out to not be successful and by the end of March (March 29) I had my lymph nodes removed and both my breasts. Wow.... the first quarter of the year and my life is so far from where it used to be. 

     So, after surgery, I was moved to my room. I had to stay overnight in the hospital. My husband, daughter and best friend came up. I slept off and on. 

Rebekah's fiancee Andrew came by. My dear friend Jennifer came to see me. I dozed and slept. It seemed when no one was there and I would start to sleep, my vital signs were needed. They needed to check my drains. No rest for the weary. That evening, my son Cody came up to see me. He works night shift. Brad went downstairs to watch his boys while he visited with me. Finally, it was time for both kids to leave and perhaps I would get some rest. One could hope! But as a RN, I know patients do not get any rest in the hospital. I ate dinner, well some dinner. I really didn't want to eat. Brad DID bring me a Frozen Chai. mmmm I LOVE Chai tea. A Frozen Chai is just FABULOUS! No whip cream... just the Chai.... It raised my blood sugar quite a bit, but mmmmmm..... 

      That night, Brad stayed at the hospital with me. I slept off and on. Of course, every couple hours, they were in to assess me, check my vital signs, I had to use the restroom, they had to stop my IV so that they could draw my labs (they said they couldn't use my port during this time, I don't know why), come draw my labs, restart my IV, vital signs. What a night. 

     After morning vitals and another restroom break, I sat in a chair. Of course, I would start to doze off, in came breakfast. In came vital sign check. Check the drains. Social Work. Hospital pharmacist came in to discuss my meds. Head nurse to ask about my stay and the staff. Then Dr Daniels came in. She discharged me. We were headed home. 

     Now I am home. I have been home since Wednesday March 30. How do I feel? Well, sore. However, I am not sore where you think. I am sore at the front edge and back edge of my arm pit. Actually the pain is a terrible burning. If I can get in the right position I do not feel it. It burns so bad at times that it takes my breath. It's horrible. I am doing my exercises to release the tension and prevent scar tissue build up and lymph-edema. However, it hurts. It hurts like a mother! Brad has sponge bathed me. No showers yet. Deodorant on the left side is a challenge because I can't lift my arm much. I am trying to nap. Trying to sleep. I am needing to take benedryl to sleep. The pain comes and goes. I have pain in my left elbow as well. My chest and where my breasts were don't hurt at all. The area where I used to have breasts and above it is actually numb. It feels like your face would feel after you have been to the dentist. It's weird. I read somewhere that that feeling may never go away. My right side hurts near the armpit as well, but not as much as the left. Just new experiences. You have no idea what you use your arm for until you try to and it burns. I am hoping the exercises help it and that time helps it as well. 

     I have love and support. I know I'm going to be ok. It's just going to take time. I am alive. Jesus loves me. My husband loves me. My children love me. I have friends that love me.