Good Morning! 

It's Tuesday and I'm here. I'm so tired. Let me explain what tired means when I say it. It is more than just "I'm tired so I'm going to bed." or "I didn't sleep well last night, I'm so tired." Its more than that. I feel like I am in a nowhere land. I'm just floating there. I'm not sleepy, I'm tired. Like I just completed a half marathon tired. Every day I run a half marathon tired. I'm in this nowhere land that I'm floating along.... My body feels that way, my mind feels that way, my emotions feel that way. I'm just exhausted and it never goes away. There are times it just builds. So, if you ask how I am and I say I'm tired.... that's what it is. It's part of the side effects of this chemo. 

Well, I messed up last week and missed my chemo appointment. They called and sadly they could not get me in until the end of the week. This is because there are so many people getting chemotherapy right now!!! That's sad. So many people fighting this battle. All different, different diagnosis's, different chemos... but we are fighting. 

So, I went on Friday to get chemo... I didn't get to have it. My White Blood Cell count and my ANC (the little baby white blood cells just being created) were too low. So, they sent me on my way. When I go for chemo, the first thing they do is check my blood count. They get the results fairly quickly. Then they share the results with me and that tells if I get chemo. They shared the results with me and then went and spoke to Dr Filix. He said No.... So, my daughter and son-in-law took me to get lunch. I go back this Thursday to try again. Then on Friday I see Dr Filix. 

On Friday afternoon, I went to see my family doc. I said we have to do something about these blood sugars. She stopped the pill she put me on and placed me on a long acting insulin. sigh. I was relieved to be honest. Already since that has happened, my blood sugars are coming more under control. I called with an update yesterday and she increased my dose by 2 units. I'm to call in a few days with an update. My plan is to call after I get chemo this week and see what my blood sugar is the day after. I feel encouraged. 

I had a visit last week from a co-worker. It was so good to see her. Angie brought me a "sunshine basket". It was full of all kinds of goodies. And, she brought me a card from all my coworkers that had a monetary gift in it! Oh my gosh! I was so surprised and am extremely thankful. I truly am. It was also great to see Angie. 

My grandsons, in the meantime, both got fevers, runny noses and vomiting. Not good for me to be around with a low white cell count. I have no immunities to fight that crap off! So, I have had to quarantine myself and such. I hate that. I love those babies and want to be around them and they want to be around me. So that has been hard, but they are better and I think I can unquarantine myself today. There are times I feel like the "Bubble Boy" (not the "Boy in the Plastic Bubble" with John Travolta, "Bubble Boy" it's a comedy, a stupid comedy).

My college courses started back last week. I am THREE classes away from obtaining my bachelors degree in nursing. I will graduate (God willing) December 10. 

As most people know, I feel discouraged a lot. There are times that I feel forgotten. Forgotten by people and by God.  I have been reading a book by Dr David Jeremiah titled "When you world falls apart". I have been reminded as I have read this book that it's ok to be discouraged. It's ok to think that God has forgotten you, as long as you REMEMBER that God has NOT forgotten you. God Loves YOU! David felt discouraged and forgotten a LOT. He went thru so much turmoil. He was in hiding for years. He asked God frequently "How long will you forget me?" "How long must I endure this?" (Read the Pslams, you will see it). When Jesus died on the cross, he said "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" "Why did you forget me God?" For both of these men, God did not answer right away. God was quiet. He waited to answer. And when He DID answer, it was loud and proud. For David, he finally ascended to the throne. For Jesus, He ascended from the grave! WOW! They went thru absolute torture on this earth and then they were rewarded largely! Thankfully, the reward that Jesus received benefited all of us. But as I look thru the bible, there are many heroes of faith that went thru trials. Perhaps mental, physical, grief, financial, some combined trials... so many trials. But what happened? God did NOT leave them (even if they felt like it). God rewarded them when the trial was over. He was there all along. He didn't forget them, even if they thought He did. Look again at Job. He even calls out to God and asks why. He gets angry with God. He confronts God. Then of course, if you read on, God answers him. God tells him "listen up bud, I'm God and you're not. You weren't there when I created the world. You don't tell the moon when to shine or the sun where to hang. So, if I allow it, buckle up buttercup, it's happening and I'm gonna be there and take care of it." (actually, those aren't the words used, but it is my interpretation. So, right now, for me God is silent a lot. But He's still there. He hasn't left me. He is with me thru all of this. It's ok to be sad. It's ok to be discouraged and it's ok to ask God why and how long? But in the end, He has the final say and He will not leave me. As a matter of fact, at night, He watches over me and sings over me. You all know how much I love to sing! So, the fact that my Lord is singing over ME! WOW!!!! What a joy and encouragement. 

Thank you all for your prayers. Please keep praying. I'm here... I'm in nowhere land, floating along.... but I'm here... 

Love and Peace 

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17

Well.... another week.... :) 

I have had two chemo treatments with Taxol. It has been ok. It mostly makes me very tired and exausted. For a couple days I feel like I am getting over the flu. I will take this over what the Red Devil (Adriamyacin) did. Last week however, my white blood cell count was 2.9. I don't know what it will be this week.... just when I expect it to be lower, it jumps up high! So, who knows.... Find out tomorrow. 

We sold Brad's truck last week. That was sad. he sold it so that we would have money to keep living during all this. I truly appreciate him doing that, but it makes me sad that he had to. We took some of the money that he got for selling it and purchased a new to us vehicle. It is a VW Beetle. So that is exciting, but I'm still sad.... 

I have not heard officially yet about my Long Term Disability. Last I knew it was most likely going to be denied. However, they have not officially told me that. If they don't tell me, I can't appeal it! I wish they would let me know. Of course, I do not have high hopes for the appeal either. 

I have heard from Social Security. All they wanted to know was who treats me for my depression and does my depression keep me from going to work. I told them and said no, my depression does not keep me from work, however, my cancer does. I know nothing more. 

The kids are growing and Jaxson is supposed to start pre-school after Labor Day. They have a small problem. Jaxson did not get his MMR vaccine with his other shots because I was in chemo. He needs that to start preschool. The MMR vaccine is a live vaccine so I could potentially catch Measles Mumps or Rubella from him if he got that vaccine. However, there is some literature out there that says it is ok to live with someone who had that vaccine. UGH! 

The chemo and steroids I get with the chemo is now seriously affecting my blood sugar. I keep calling my doctors office. They added another pill. Then they increased the pill. I am now seriously cutting carbs out of my diet trying to help. Still in the 200 - 300 range. It went up to 549. The day after chemo it is in the 400's. Plus, they give me those steroids and I just want to eat and eat and eat! It is a serious cycle! I personally wish she would just do sliding scale insulin! 

The chemo (and likely my blood sugar) are causing issues with my eyesight.... It is making me CRAZY!!! It's not like I can go to the eye doctor right now... I really can't go until I have been done with chemo for a couple months. 

What else can I whine about? Well, today I came across my pathology report from my surgery. That was unsettling. But it's over. Physically, it's over. I don't know when it will be over emotionally or mentally for me. 

However, on that note, I had a revelation this past Sunday. We went to Meijer and ran into a woman that went to high school with Brad and presently works with my cousin. She is a breast cancer survivor. We talked for a minute. She had a double mastectomy, but she told me she was like stage -1. So, she did not have to have any chemotherapy or radiation. She had the surgery and was done. She, however, opted NOT to have reconstructive surgery. I was glad to hear that because, personally, I just don't think I want to have that. I keep reading about it and the more I read, the more I think, no thank you! I had 2 major surgeries this year. Do I want one or two more? How much longer will THAT keep me off work? It sounds pretty painful! They put expanders UNDER your MUSCLE! Then each week or every other week, they increase the amount of saline in the expander (hence the name, expander) to stretch out your muscle and skin. Then when the expanders are the correct size for your new breasts, they remove the expanders and replace them with implants. Hooray! Most women do this immediately, like their breasts are removed and then the plastic surgeon implants the expanders. Then while you are recovering the process starts. That reduces the number of surgeries you have. In my case, I could not have the plastic surgeon involved for a couple of reasons. One, he was not going to be available for another month from my surgery. Two, I had a lumpectomy and those results were poor so my surgeon wanted to get me in the OR asap. Three, because they were uncertain of what type of treatments I was going to have to have, I could not have reconstruction until all of my treatments were done. So..... since I coudn't have it immediately, I have been given lots of time to think about it. With all that time, I just keep thinking "NOPE!". Anyway... back to my realization... While talking with Cindy, I said that I didn't think I wanted reconstruction either and that I would likely be comfortable going out without my prosthetic breasts. Then I laughed and said "Like today! I'm in Meijer without breasts!". It is funny. If we go to the store, or Rebekah takes me to the Farmers Market or I go to chemo, I don't wear my breasts. But if I go to church or someplace that I may see a lot of people that I care about, I wear my breasts. So, I guess I AM comfortable without my breasts. Which is odd.... I didn't think I would be. But let me be even more blunt... It is very freeing to be able to get up and put on a shirt and be done! No bra... nothing! Its actually pretty nice! I do still miss my breasts. But it's cool... 

My hair is starting to grow back. I can't tell what color it is. There is discussion about it. Some people say it looks blonde. Some people say it looks gray. I think it looks gray. Of course, with my hair coming in, it also means that I have to shave my legs again... boo! My hair is probably about an 1/8 of an inch or so. So, I'm still wearing hats and wigs. My eyebrows are very slow to return. 

I started back to college this week. I am THREE CLASSES away from my bachelors degree. Holy Cow.... three classes.... If all goes well with the first two classes, then I have my preceptorship (third class) and then.... I graduate December 10!!! BOO YAH! I have to apply to graduate by September 26. I appreciate any and all prayers during this time. I managed to make it last Spring during my diagnosis of cancer and two major surgeries and working. I need to finish this up! 

My last issue this blog is one that I have discussed before. I get lonely. Like I miss having a motherly figure to talk to. Like my mom or even more, my grandma. I sometimes miss adult conversations. But then, I get all goofy and when people may try to call, I clam up and don't feel like talking. It's a weird thing. 
So... if you are bored and want to go to lunch or whatever... text me! I'm hangin out... doing school work..... 

OH GREAT! As I am finishing up this blog, the cancer center calls. Asks why I didn't come to my chemo today, am I feeling alright? I said Today? I thought it was tomorrow at 9:30. No, it was TODAY at 9:30. Then they are so booked (because sadly so many people have cancer and are getting chemo) that they cannot get me IN tomorrow. So, now I go Friday at 10:45. I said blame me. Let's just say it was chemo brain and blame me. They laughed. 
But maybe it was a God-incidence. My white cell count was low last week, this gives me more time to get my white cells up AND gives me a bit more time to get my blood sugar down from the steroids... 

Until next time.... or whenever I remember it.... Peace and Love. 

Monday/ Grumpday

I'm gonna start calling Monday's Grumpday...
Why? It seems as though most times, Monday is the day I have my meltdowns... Monday's I just don't feel happy... I get sad, I get emotional, I get angry.... 

So why am I grumpy today? Well, It's Monday isn't it? 

People have been posting photos of the sunflowers that they grew from the packets of sunflowers that they received as a shower favor at Rebekah's bridal shower. I love them. But I get sad, because I didn't get to plant any because of low white blood cell counts, I'm not supposed to play in the dirt. 

My home is a disaster. My husband does as much as he can but with a sick wife, and two toddlers running around, it's hard to keep up. He is also trying to work in the house so that we can change our bedroom with Cody so that I'm closer to the bathroom. That is a tough job in itself. Plus throw in that he work 50 - 60 hours a week. I'm lucky to have him. 

I get lonely. But that's normal. That is to be expected. I'm home all day and it's me and the TV or me and the boys and Cody. 

My blood sugar is still high. I'm waiting on them to deliver the ketone strips so I can check for ketones. If there are ketones in my urine, I'm calling my doctor again. I'm a little upset that she put me on another pill. My blood sugar is not in the 500's anymore, but still, the 300s. I think its still too high. But where was my concern a month ago? It wasn't. Because I kept hearing don't worry about your diabetes. Worry about your cancer. Don't worry about your weight, worry about your cancer.
Well. look where I am.... Cancer, high blood sugar and fat. hmmmmmm 

I'm just grumpy. I'm trying to attack the house today. I asked someone to put the boys down for a nap and then please help.... But whatever. I'm doing it. Quite bluntly, the way I feel today, I don't care if it wears me out. I'm doing it because I'm tired of ... 

My youngest grandson has Croup! YES CROUP! My brother had that all the time growing up. But anyway... Tucker has it. Came to us Saturday with a 102 fever. Woke up yesterday barking. Got a steroid shot yesterday. Is croup contagious? Yes, Very. So, I'm hoping since he clung to me Saturday night, I don't get it. Does it matter? His mom does not monitor him or his brother. She just is not completely getting this whole parenting thing. 

I'm just grumpy and venting.... Also, I hear people say things to me about hanging in there or just trusting in the Lord. I do trust in the Lord. I am trying to hang in there. It's just hard! My life got flipped upside down and now while I am still upside down, someone is shaking it and I'm holding on with my pinky finger. I get tired of holding on and tired in general. I saw a picture of me from a couple years ago when I got new hair... It made me sad... I'm not that person anymore... I also saw a photo from one year ago of me and Brad... We were at Myrtle Beach. That made me sad too... I am definitely not that person anymore... I have lived a lifetime in this past year and I don't think it is about to end anytime soon. 

Brad is selling his truck to get us money. The Chevy Blazer we have needs repairs. I start school in a week and stress is at an all time flippin high!!!! 

Just got a call, we had taken the blazer to the repair shop and the mechanic called and doesn't even want to touch it. Great..... 

Monday's Grumpdays! 

Gotta go..... gotta go get the blazer and in the meantime pick up brake pads, a caliper and roter for the blazer to fix at home. 

New Chemo

Well, I started my second round of chemo this week. On Tuesday August 9. It actually went pretty well. I did not have any reactions to the chemo, which is something that can happen with this one. I was there for about 4 hours that day, but being the first dose of this one, I got to be in a private room with a bed. I was a bit dozy, but did not fall asleep. I was afraid to. I thought what if I fall asleep and something happens and I can't tell them. So I stayed awake. But I was tired. 

I came home and laid around. Wednesday and Thursday my grandson's were here. So, I could not lay around and rest like I would have liked to. Even though I was exausted and achy... I tried, but its hard, because they come in and "check" on me or I hear them playing. Today, Friday, they are not here. I am hoping to get some rest today. They will be back tomorrow. 

Anyway.... this round supposedly has the side effects of making you tired and feel flu like for a few days afterwards. That's still better than nausea and the dizziness I had and the days of feeling like total poo. 

The day after chemo, my oncologists office called. They wanted to see how I felt. I was doing ok I told them. The big thing was my face, neck and chest were very flushed and hot. This is normal, they told me. Its from the steroids they gave me. Oh good... however, they had other issues to discuss with me. My blood sugar the day before was 549. Yes, 549! Holy COW! Those are like admitting numbers! Dr Filix wanted me to contact my family doc and get new orders for treating my diabetes. After calling two times, I finally got a call back, the nurse had some questions. Then she consulted my practitioner and called me again. A new med is added; glypizide in the mornings on steriod days and on days when my blood sugar is high. yippeee (sarcasm intended here). 

So, not only has cancer taken my figure, my hair, my feeling of contribution and self worth, but now it is totally screwing with my body in OTHER ways! It is screwing with my other disease in a big way and making things hard for me. 

Not that I thought this was going to be an easy journey. I didn't. But I didn't think it would be this hard. It is a hard hard journey. I know there are women who work thru this. I don't know how. I do not have the energy or strength to do so. I'm lonely and miss work. But, there is no way. I'm pooped out. 

My hair is starting to grow back. It feels like duck down or peach fuzz. I can't tell what color it will be, but initially, it looks mostly white with some dark. 

Brad is going to sell his truck. I'm sad about this. He says we need the money and he is looking for a "cheap" car to replace it, one with better gas mileage. His plan is to sell the truck and get at least an extra 2-4 thousand dollars after purchasing a car so that we can have more money as we go thru this. Especially since we are 99% certain my LTD is being denied. I hate it. It also makes me feel so guilty. But I know what will be will be and God has a plan for all of this. So, if you are reading this and would like a great truck, 2010 chevy. Extended cab, really clean and nice.... I love this truck. He may be willing to deal with you! 

This weekend is the food truck festival here in town. I do want to go, but I keep thinking, will I make it? Brad plans on taking the wheelchair. He also said he would use ice packs to keep me cool. 

This heat is killing me. We do not have air conditioning and we have tried window units before, but they blow our fuses. Our house does not have the electric to support them. Brad got me a couple more fans last night. He is a good man. 

I keep thinking there are things that need done around here, but I have no energy to do them. UGH! 

I start back to school in a little more than a week. I think that will be good. It will give me something to do. I am three classes away from my bachelors. If all goes well, i will graduate from Ohio University December 10. I am hopeful I will do well and get my mind on other things as this goes on.... 

ok.... I have rambled again....  This next week I have chemo on Wednesday. We asked them to please change my day, at least every other week because Brad cannot take half a day off work each week to take me. My cousin Barbara said she would take me, except she teaches yoga on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. So, they changed me to Wednesday so that Brad can work (because we can't afford for him NOT to work) and Barbara can take me. I have also asked Rebekah if she can sometimes take me. She said she just needs to know ahead of time to let her job know. 

That is something great that has happened... my daughter Rebekah now has THREE jobs. At least for a short time period. She got a part time job at Kohl's, working during the day. She also got a job teaching dance at her former studio, Ohio Performing Arts Institute (OPAI) and then at the last minute (and I mean last minute) she was offered a job in the musical Chicago that is being performed at the Warsaw Incline Theater in Cincinnati. She had about a week and a half to learn the part. A person in the show, developed a stress fracture and couldn't continue to do the part. Rebekah was called and accepted the role! She is "Go to Hell Kitty" and Female Ensemble. The show runs August 10 - September 4. She said opening night went well. I'm so proud of her. She has a paid dancing job! I'm sure this will lead to more. Her husband starts graduate school next week. He will also be working as a TA. 

ok.... that is all for now.... .will keep updating!!!! 

love and peace. 

No LTD for me

So, I last left off stating I was more than likely not going to get Long Term Disability Payments... 

I feel about 99% sure that I will not get it. Why? I recieved a long letter and a packet from my company's long term disability provider. The letter detailed that my claim was being reviewed by their medical team. That my first day of being insured with them for Long Term Disability was March 1, 2016. That any illness I have or had for 3 months PRIOR to that date would be considered a pre-existing condition. Well, slap me sideways sally. I was diagnosed with cancer on February 8, 2016. At least that's the day they told me... Does my diagnosis go back to the date they did the biposy? Whatever, it doesn't matter. Both dates are before March 1, 2016. So, the fact that I am off work because of breast cancer and have been off work since March 2016 (the first day of work I missed was March 14, 2016), but was actually diagnosed with the illness (ha! Illness, its flipping CANCER!) prior to March 1, I'm screwed. 

I read my company's policy or whatever the agreement that my company has with the long term disability people. If, even though I was diagnosed prior to my insured date, I worked with that illness for one year and one day and THEN went out, they would pay it. But because I did not work for one year and one day after being diagnosed, I'm screwed. I will not get disability pay. 

So, if you know me, you know how well I took it. I called the LTD people. Brad said, when they get on, give me the phone. He talked to them. He said to them, so you're telling me that three weeks makes the difference and this woman who has had two major surgeries including a double mastectomy and is going thru chemo will be punished because of three weeks? He said the woman said nothing. 

I had told Brad that I was going to go out to my employer's office the next day and talk to them face to face. He told me this was not a good idea. That I am still employed there and I was very emotional. He was probably right. He did offer to call one of my supervisors and discuss with him this issue and see if he could provide any insight. 

I was crying and crying hard. Finally, I really lost it. I cried and screamed and threw a royal temper tantrum. To be honest, I think I strained a vocal cord because the left side of my throat has been sore since then. I screamed and yelled and cried. I told Brad none of this is fair. I said although 90% of the time I handle not having breasts or hair pretty darn well. But there are times I'm still sad and still get mad. I see commercials for hair products and women with all this long hair or pretty hair color or things you can do to hair and I'm like, yeah I want to do that and then it hits me... I can't do that. I have no hair. When it comes back, it will take a long long time for it to be any length again... I yelled that I get tired of being tired. I hate chemotherapy. I hate cancer. and I really hate that I make no contribution to anything anymore. I can't go to work because I feel so crappy. Our family has to suffer because I can't financially help us anymore. I said multiple times this isn't fair. I want to know why. Why did this happen? I have tried to be a faithful servant to the Lord. I know I don't do all I should do. I don't read my bible like should. I don't do enough faithful deeds. Maybe this is punishment? Brad says no. I said you know, I started taking care of my mom when I was 14. Then when she got really sick I took care of her even more! I helped take care of her when I was pregnant with Rebekah. Then when her health took an even larger down turn I took care of her. I took care of her when she was staying at my grandmas, when she went back to her house and when she came out of the hospital after being there more than a month, we moved her into our house! Our two bedroom home, we gave up our bedroom and moved her there. I took care of her while raising a 5 year old and 2 year old and my husband changing shifts at work a lot (not his choice). I took care of her! Wasn't that something? I took care of my brother the best I could while he was ill and couldn't care for himself until he got too bad and I insisted he go to a nursing home. Is this my penance for that? Brad says no. It's not my fault that Ethan had to go to a nursing home. He was too ill and I had a full time job. I couldn't do it. Is it my penance because I couldn't visit him as often as I should in the nursing home before he died? Brad says no. He says he will not let me take blame for that. (Brad is a good man). 

I just cried more and said why? I don't understand. I said to Brad, I tell people all the time that I believe God is pulling me thru this. I truly believe he is, because if he weren't, I wouldn't be here today. But people don't know the moments like this. and then when I do get down, I hear just trust God more. Hang in there. God has this. This is temporary. I know it's temporary. I know God has this. But there are days and moments when I just can't take much more... Monday night was one of those moments. I couldn't take much more. I couldn't take anymore. I was done. Just done. More done than I had been in a while. Fed up. Tired. 

So... Tuesday brought a new dawn. Tired. Eyes terribly swollen. but a new day. Brad did speak to the HR supervisor at my work. He pretty much confirmed what we thought. Short of a miracle, I will not be getting paid long term disability. So... my money has gone... We have to survive on Brad's income which is 1/3 of of mine. So, our income is down. Significantly. Brad says, Sara, It's going to be ok. God has given him a peace. We are going to be ok. 

I am still crushed. I really thought we were going to be out of income for a month or so, and then be ok. I was wrong. VERY wrong. On the up side... because I truly do try to look for an upside. My car gets paid off this week. That is one payment gone. That will help. 
Brad is going to sell his truck. Not my favorite thing, but it's going to happen. We are trying to look for a cheap vehicle to purchase to replace it. One with good gas mileage. Cost very low to be able to save the money he gets from selling his truck. And of course, my friend Deb Heckler is trying to help by spreading the gofundme page she started for me. 

I also know that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and those crushed in spirit. The bible says we are pressed but not crushed. So maybe I'm not crushed, just really really pressed. I am struck down, but I am not yet destroyed. 

There are days I don't want to do any of this anymore. But my breast cancer support group says that's normal. They also say throwing the temper tantrums sometimes is normal... But sadly, I have to get back up and keep going.... 

So.... I'm going... I may have to crawl thru some of this fire, but I will crawl, walk, whatever I have to do... I'm gonna do it. 

I still love Jesus. I still follow Him. I still believe He is with me and will pull me thru. This week I've just been tired... He's carrying me... I believe that... 

fixing a drip in the toilet.

Well, things just keep going.... as life does.... 

Last Saturday I felt good.... really good.... I felt like I did before I had cancer. Brad said it even showed in my eyes... Rebekah and I went to the farmers market. I got corn, green beans and peaches as well as cheese from Blue Jacket Cheese and some cookies and small pies. Came home, played with the boys. Ate Chinese food. All in all a good day... 

Sunday I was tired.... took a long nap, well I took one Saturday too. But it was good... 

Monday... can't believe what I did Monday, LOL...I needed to clean the bathroom and had noticed that there was like a little water on the floor around the toilet. I thought the toilet was sweating from the heat... So, I was cleaning, and trying to clean around the toilet and noticed this drip from the toilet. like where the tank and bowl meet. Again, thought it was sweating. I followed the drip, and it lead to a nut/ bolt... I accidentally turned it left, which opened that drip right up! So, found out where the water was coming from! My 4 year old grandson, Jaxson was helping me clean, so he had to help me fix the toilet. Cody was off running an errand with Tucker, the two year old. 

When fixing a leaky toilet, you sort of need to stop the flow of water to the toilet so that you don't soak everything in the area. I tried to shut of the water to the toilet... I turned the knob, it made the hose sort of spray at the attached site... so that's a no go... I went to the basement and tried to turn the water off to the house. Cancer has made me so weak. I did not have the strength to do that...  Well, flush the toilet and close the flapper quick and hold the bobber so the water won't come in. But how to keep the bobber up? Jaxson and I held it and took turns looking for a Phillips head screw driver. We couldn't find one... so.... I found some sort of tool that is used to assist in turning things from a distance that fit the toilet perfectly that would hold the bobber up and keep water from filling the tank. Yay me! So, I removed the washer and nut where the leak was. 

Jaxson and I were going to go Walmart to get the parts we need, and Cody came home. We told him of our adventures and then we all went to Walmart. That was a new adventure as well. I used the electric cart and Cody pushed a real cart. The boys took turns riding with me. We picked up a "toilet repair kit" for $3.27. We also got other stuff... I've never been to Walmart and purchased just one thing. It always ends up being a bunch of other crap. This time, the crap included popscicles and ice cream as well as other stuff. The boys were funny. Jaxson kept trying to go other directions than us and periodically made screeching noises like his Uncle Andrew. I laughed and laughed. 

We picked up lunch, came home. Cody fixed the toilet. I was on the right track, but it was not the outer washer that needed fixed like I thought. It was the inner washer. But hey, for $3.27, we had all the parts we needed and it was fixed! Hooray! 

That day went on.... It was good.... Jaxson and Tucker rode their bikes... they had fun, I watched them. I would sit at the edge of the drive way and told them all the farther they could go. Then Jaxson wanted me to blow bubbles. So, I had two different bubble containers... I did bubbles and Jaxson tried to run them over... Cody and Brad were working in the house. 

Life was good... and life is still good... however, there are moments in life when you think this sucks! After we got the mail Monday.... it became one of those moments... 
You see, I found out that I'm more than likely not going to get Long Term Disability payments. and I lost it... really bad...