Today is the last day of 2016. What a year! I wanted to share a few thoughts I have at the end of the year. In this last year, as you know, I have had a lot of opportunities to reflect.
Life is short. Very short. It goes by so quick. Make sure you do what is important and make sure you know who is important.
Tell those you love that you love them. Make sure you do it!
Keep up on annual tests that are needed... Prostate exams and the corresponding PSA test. Mammograms. Hemoglobin A1C. You feel like something is wrong, tell you doctor about it and don't stop until you are satisfied. I have a friend who is in her early 40's. Her husbandT was having some odd feelings and shortness of breath. They pushed and pushed for answers and such. Their doctor agreed with them, did a heart cath and this YOUNG MAN had to have stents placed in his heart! Listen to your body! I personally was trying to figure out what was wrong with me from last August and on. I didn't feel good. Couldn't pin point it. Exausted all the time. Finally, the answer came on February 8th. I had cancer. But I knew something was wrong. Listen to your body!
Friends and family are valuable. When you go thru trials, you will find out who really loves you and who will be there for you. Whether they are with you physically or with you in spirit from a distance, you will know who is there. You also need to be there for THEM! Remember that when THEY go thru hard times, that you should be there for them. If you haven't been in the past, ask for forgiveness and move forward. Today is a new day. Tomorrow is too.
Possessions are just material things that don't matter. You don't always get to keep them. Sometimes you just hold them for a little while, then release them. And that is ok. If you hold onto those things too long, they start to take control of you. Let them go. They don't matter.
This last year, I learned that people can really be there when you need them. That I need to be there more for others and that we are all connected. God connects us. We really are just 6 people away from knowing everyone in the world. People will give of themselves to you and if you reject their offerings, you may be robbing them of a blessing. Don't rob someone of a blessing. If someone wants to give to you, accept their gift as a blessing. Remember to give back.
Love and Peace .
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Friday, December 9, 2016
blessings - Trust God
As I sit at home and get ready to go to Athens today, I thought I would reflect on some blessings that have occurred since I have had breast cancer,
I worked up until I had my surgeries. That was a blessing. I was able to keep going and keep an income coming in.
I had 12 weeks of sick time. Part of that sick time paid me 100% of my pay, part of it only 60%, but that was still income for the first 12 weeks I was off work! Then I had 2 weeks vacation time. I used that too, but again, I got paid for 14 weeks! That was a huge blessing! I have been off work 39 weeks. That's a long time.... of course, this has been a long journey!
We were set back mentally and emotionally... I was denied for Long Term Disability. The company that handles that for my employer said in our policy it stated that my breast cancer was a pre-existing condition. This was because I was diagnosed within the 3 months prior to the date that they determined as my insurability date. I panicked. I prayed. Brad told me to trust God. So I did.
After I no longer had an income... we were panicked. What would we do? How would we survive? We weren't sure. However, Brad told me repeatedly to trust God. I said I do, but... There was to be no buts! We were to trust God. and God showed us.
Since I have been off, we have had friends and acquaintances bring us meals. We have had friends and family give us gift cards to Kroger, Wal Mart and restaurants! We have had friends and family donate to us financially, either through the go fund me account or directly to us! God has truly provided.
I am reminded that I have a home to come home to with an affordable house payment. My car was paid off in August. What a huge blessing that was.
Brad, had the foresight and the selflessness to sell his truck. He got such a great deal on his truck last year, purchased it from work for much less than it was worth. Well, in turn, he recognized that I was not going to be able to return to work. He sold his truck. We were down one vehicle. But, God, being God, knew this would happen. Nothing is a surprise to Him. Because Brad works in the wholesale tire business, there was a repair shop they had sold tires to that had a vehicle. A VW Beetle! (I love Volkswagen's. I really do! and a beetle? AAAHHHH). The person that owned the Beetle, had brought it in for repairs, the man hit a lot of financial turmoil and could not pay for the repairs. The shop got the title off of him and just wanted paid for the repairs. So, we took some of the money he sold his truck for and bought the beetle! Rebekah's car broke down and the cost to repair it was too much. We gave her my car and I was going to drive the Beetle. Brad would drive my brother's old car. When my brother died, we took his Chevy Blazer. Fixed it and have had it since. That car has helped out Cody and now is helping us out! So... in all the vehicle issues... God had a plan.
The remaining money from the sale of Brad's truck has helped us survive. That is almost gone now. But that's ok. Friends have still helped out.
It's Christmas time. I was upset because I wasn't going to be able to get my grandson's Christmas presents. A friend came thru and gave us a financial gift. Another friend provided us with meals this past week! Another money saver! Then, my daughter took me shopping at Kohl's... She works there. It was friends and family week... So, I only purchased items that were on sale. Then, she had 2 separate friends and family discounts I could use. Then we were able to use her employee discount. On top of that, she gave me the Kohl's cash that she and her husband had! My total came to $31. Then... my daughter paid the $31!!! That was AWESOME!
We are tight for money now.... More tight that we have been all along this journey. My employer is no longer holding my position for me. I was released to return to work part time, but they were unable to bring me back part time. They need someone to work full time and they need someone now. They need help. So, I was not able to return to work as we thought I would be able to. But, you know what? It's ok. It's gonna be ok. I don't know how. But it will.
We have presented God with our tithes the entire time I have been off work. We tithe when we go to church on Sundays. God's word has told us "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it" Malachi 3:10
We have seen this blessing for 9 months now. Cancer has not stopped us from praising God. Cancer has not stopped us from surviving financially. Cancer has not won. Satan has not won. God has blessed us. Far more than we deserve. God has blessed us.
Please know He can bless you too. In this season of giving, He wants to give to you also.
As I head to Athens today to prepare to graduate with honors, I am blessed. God has a plan for me and for my life. He has one for you too. Accept it. Accept His Son. You will be blessed!
Love and Peace.....
I worked up until I had my surgeries. That was a blessing. I was able to keep going and keep an income coming in.
I had 12 weeks of sick time. Part of that sick time paid me 100% of my pay, part of it only 60%, but that was still income for the first 12 weeks I was off work! Then I had 2 weeks vacation time. I used that too, but again, I got paid for 14 weeks! That was a huge blessing! I have been off work 39 weeks. That's a long time.... of course, this has been a long journey!
We were set back mentally and emotionally... I was denied for Long Term Disability. The company that handles that for my employer said in our policy it stated that my breast cancer was a pre-existing condition. This was because I was diagnosed within the 3 months prior to the date that they determined as my insurability date. I panicked. I prayed. Brad told me to trust God. So I did.
After I no longer had an income... we were panicked. What would we do? How would we survive? We weren't sure. However, Brad told me repeatedly to trust God. I said I do, but... There was to be no buts! We were to trust God. and God showed us.
Since I have been off, we have had friends and acquaintances bring us meals. We have had friends and family give us gift cards to Kroger, Wal Mart and restaurants! We have had friends and family donate to us financially, either through the go fund me account or directly to us! God has truly provided.
I am reminded that I have a home to come home to with an affordable house payment. My car was paid off in August. What a huge blessing that was.
Brad, had the foresight and the selflessness to sell his truck. He got such a great deal on his truck last year, purchased it from work for much less than it was worth. Well, in turn, he recognized that I was not going to be able to return to work. He sold his truck. We were down one vehicle. But, God, being God, knew this would happen. Nothing is a surprise to Him. Because Brad works in the wholesale tire business, there was a repair shop they had sold tires to that had a vehicle. A VW Beetle! (I love Volkswagen's. I really do! and a beetle? AAAHHHH). The person that owned the Beetle, had brought it in for repairs, the man hit a lot of financial turmoil and could not pay for the repairs. The shop got the title off of him and just wanted paid for the repairs. So, we took some of the money he sold his truck for and bought the beetle! Rebekah's car broke down and the cost to repair it was too much. We gave her my car and I was going to drive the Beetle. Brad would drive my brother's old car. When my brother died, we took his Chevy Blazer. Fixed it and have had it since. That car has helped out Cody and now is helping us out! So... in all the vehicle issues... God had a plan.
The remaining money from the sale of Brad's truck has helped us survive. That is almost gone now. But that's ok. Friends have still helped out.
It's Christmas time. I was upset because I wasn't going to be able to get my grandson's Christmas presents. A friend came thru and gave us a financial gift. Another friend provided us with meals this past week! Another money saver! Then, my daughter took me shopping at Kohl's... She works there. It was friends and family week... So, I only purchased items that were on sale. Then, she had 2 separate friends and family discounts I could use. Then we were able to use her employee discount. On top of that, she gave me the Kohl's cash that she and her husband had! My total came to $31. Then... my daughter paid the $31!!! That was AWESOME!
We are tight for money now.... More tight that we have been all along this journey. My employer is no longer holding my position for me. I was released to return to work part time, but they were unable to bring me back part time. They need someone to work full time and they need someone now. They need help. So, I was not able to return to work as we thought I would be able to. But, you know what? It's ok. It's gonna be ok. I don't know how. But it will.
We have presented God with our tithes the entire time I have been off work. We tithe when we go to church on Sundays. God's word has told us "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it" Malachi 3:10
We have seen this blessing for 9 months now. Cancer has not stopped us from praising God. Cancer has not stopped us from surviving financially. Cancer has not won. Satan has not won. God has blessed us. Far more than we deserve. God has blessed us.
Please know He can bless you too. In this season of giving, He wants to give to you also.
As I head to Athens today to prepare to graduate with honors, I am blessed. God has a plan for me and for my life. He has one for you too. Accept it. Accept His Son. You will be blessed!
Love and Peace.....
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Going to Graduate!
Doing this blog in Green..... Why? Because Ohio University's colors are Green and White! I will officially be an alum of Ohio University this coming Saturday December 10! I am very excited proud. I really am! This journey was a hard one....
When I first went to college, back in the late 80's, early 90's, I was first a married woman, then a pregnant woman, then a mother of a baby. I had to quit school two years in because it was just too hard. I quit school to be with my family. I then focused on being a wife and mom. I had another baby. Then my mother became terminal. I took care of mom in our home until she passed away. Life continued and then a couple years after mom passed, I felt God pushing on my heart and breathing on me hard. I knew I had to go back to school.
One day, I came home and told Brad, I'm going back to school. When he asked? Oh, Monday! I could not stand to have the pressure from the Lord anymore and knew I had to obey... so, I went to Clark State and talked to them, turns out the quarter was getting ready to start and I signed up! God provided. In so many ways! I was provided scholarships and grants to cover tuition for the entire time I went to school there! Blessing to being poor, I got grants!!!
So, back to school for Sara! I changed majors as well. I changed from Elementary Education to Registered Nursing. I graduated in June 2002. Very proud then. It was hard! I had two young children and a husband that was a McDonald's General Manager who worked crazy hours! If it were not for my dad helping out at times and my grandma babysitting (even overnight!) the kids would have missed out on things and I would have missed out on some things for school! I studied for school at baseball, softball and soccer games! It was not easy, but I did it! I graduated with my associates degree in Registered Nursing June 2002.... and we had a great party too!
Fast forward several years.... I feel God pressing on me again. Pushing me that I need my bachelors degree. Ok... I"m gonna do it. I check online and look at things... I schedule a visit locally with Ohio University and Wittenberg University to talk about their RN to BSN programs. What to do? God pushes and leads me to Ohio University. I enroll and start courses there, Spring semester 2015.
It would be something to think that I just took my courses and graduated. But no. That would be someone else. I endured challenges. These challenges were even more than having two young children and such like when I got my Associates Degree.
I had been in school a few days and my son moved back home. My son, age 24 and HIS two sons ages 9 months and 2 years. So, my empty nest became crowded. VERY crowded. Then my son had some problems. Some people know about it some don't. I am not completely comfortable sharing everything that happened here, but let me say it was not easy. On him, on us. It was rough. Holy cow.... We got thru that and I finished my first semester back in college.
Fall semester 2015. I was taking 4 classes. One of my courses was statistics. Yes, statistics! AAARRRGGGG. A couple times I sat down with a guy at work that has his MBA. He helped me understand some stuff. I made it out of that course with a B! So... school is going along. My son and grandsons are still living with us. Still a bit of a challenge.
Spring semester 2016. This is our year! My daughter will graduate in April and get married in June! Then I will graduate in December.... God said, yes, all this will occur, but... you will have more challenges.
On January 29, we found the lump. On February 8, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. All of this going on, I finished my first course for this semester.
March 14, I have my first surgery, a lumpectomy - sentinel node biopsy - placement of my port. I'm in the last part of my second course. During this second course, I also had multiple tests I had to go thru so that my cancer is treated appropriately.
March 30, second surgery. Double mastectomy and lymphnodectomy. So, I'm in my last class of the semester. Trying to recover and heal. Finally finish this class and my daughter graduates as well!
Then August 2016. I start my final semester. I am glad to be in the home stretch. I am also doing chemotherapy once a week! I feel like total poo and still work thru these courses. My final course will be a preceptor course. Thankfully my dear friend Jennifer who is a nurse practitioner has agreed to be my preceptor!
Now... here we are... the week of graduation! I'm going to graduate!!! I am going to get my bachelors degree!!! There were people when I was diagnosed with cancer who told me, maybe you should take a break from school and just focus on your health. There were those who would have done that. I couldn't. I know me. I needed to continue. There are those who may not march in the ceremony. Not me! I have worked too hard and been thru too much to not march! I am marching with all those 20somethings. I worked hard. Thru family trials, dramatic changes in my household and fighting the battle of my life! I am marching!
I am proud of myself. I have worked hard. So hard! We have had such financial issues this time. My family makes too much to get grants. Even when I no longer got paid from my job (which I still do not get paid from my job). (Yes, I did get financial aid, student loans. ) I kept on. I continued to fight thru my family struggles. Thru my surgeries. Thru my chemotherapy. Thru everything. I fought to get this degree and I GOT IT!! So, I am marching.
God has a plan for everything. When I was in high school, I wanted to go to Ohio University. I really wanted to go there. I wanted to major in communications. No one really encouraged me. My parents just sort of said, that's nice. My high school didn't do much for me. I took the advanced placement courses, but I wasn't in the top percentage of the class so no one encouraged me there. No one in my immediate family had been to college, so I had no one to direct me. So... when I graduated high school, I just went to work. But, all these years later, I am graduating from Ohio University. I really am! I cannot say how glad I am and how proud I am and how excited I am.
I am decorating my cap. I have a new outfit. I am really doing this!
Throughout all of this, my husband has stood beside me. Braden George Espich is truly a great husband. He stood by me years ago when I was in college. Then when I returned to Clark State, he stood by me and helped however he could. This time... Well, this man. He helped me and encouraged me. Even asked me, is all your homework done? That was always funny to hear. He drove me to Athens one Saturday to take a statistics exam. If I was not happy with a grade, he listened to me whine. If I thought that things were going well, he celebrated with me. If things were hard, he let me lean on him. Thru it all what I heard from him was how proud of me he is and how much he loves me. He pushed, he pulled and he stood beside me as I got thru. I could not make it without this man!
The lesson is, if it's meant to be, it will happen. If you want it bad enough, you will achieve it.
Life has tried to shove things in my way. My first degree was hard. This degree was even harder. Not just the courses, but the life that happened. But here I am.
What is ahead for me? Well, I don't know, but when God presses it on my heart, I will follow it!
For now, I am just proud to say I made it this far!
one month out.
I am one month out from completing chemotherapy. How am I feeling? Well.... not like I thought I would! I thought that by this time, I would be feeling GREAT! Not so .... It is still difficult for me to go from a sitting to a standing position because my hips and knees hurt. I still get out of breath with exertion. And... I haven't lost all the weight from the chemo and the steroids. I am disappointed to say the least.
For some reason, I thought that once I finished with chemo, I would be "all better". You need to keep in mind that I am nurse. We are HORRIBLE patients. We think that we are different than other patients. We think that for some reason our bodies are super bodies that recover better than other bodies. The reason we think we will recover and heal faster is because we have work to do! We have to get out there and take care of people... Sick people... We CAN'T be sick! We can't be down! We have to take care of people! Then throw in the wife and mother factor, we REALLY can't be down... We really need to get well faster!
My hair has been an interesting journey as well. Brad and Rebekah and my long time dear friend Tammy have said that it is cute. It's still pretty thin. My friend Sally, who ended her chemo a month before me, said give it another month and it will be thick! This past week I decided to stop wearing the wigs. Why? A few reasons. One - how will I hold my graduation cap on my head with a wig too? Also - I need to show the real me and people need to see the real me. I think it is better going forward for that to happen. Oddly (and PLEASE note, I am NOT complaining about this) my leg hair and hair other places is not coming in quite as much as on my head. HOORAY!!! So happy about that!
I am on the tamoxifen. It is going ok. There are days it makes me nauseous. There are days I'm ok. I am concerned that it is causing me to have swelling in my legs and hands.
So, here I am at home, feeling not better! WHAT? I have to be better! I did the last chemo! I'm done, right? Then, guess what? I got a cold. A nasty nasty cold that was going thru my home... It started with the little boys, then Brad got it, then me... Well, that has made things hard.
So, what am I up to besides complaining that I am not feeling back to "normal"? Well... I'm not working. I was released to return to work part time. My company was not able to work with that. So, I'm home still until I can return to work full time. They also posted my job. What that means is they are no longer holding my position for me. When I am able to return, we will discuss what jobs are open and what jobs I am qualified for. However, my job and my bosses job are the only two nursing jobs in the company. Legally, they only had to hold my position for me for 12 weeks. They held it much longer. So, in reality, I'm not sure what job they will have for me when I can return. It's ok. I'm still not getting paid. But it's ok. God is going to provide. God has continued to provide.
I've been working around the house. I painted our new bedroom. (We changed rooms with Cody and the boys). It looks wonderful... I painted two and half walls blue, and one and a half yellow.... Then I put cloud decals around the room. It looks like the sky. My next step is to put stars on one part of one wall and across the ceiling!
We are getting ready to put our Christmas tree up. A dear friend gave us a financial gift so that we can get presents for the boys. Words cannot express how much that means! It means more than I can say!
I finished up with school (another blog post to come on that). I am graduating this coming Saturday (December 10). I will have my bachelors in nursing! That increases my marketability tremendously! I will look much more appealing to potential employers and possibly my current employer, if I am able to return there.
We are hanging in there. Life has been hard, but it's been hard before. God has been with us throughout this journey. I know he will continue to be there.
I will provide more blogs on some of the other things.
Thanks for listening! Love and peace!
For some reason, I thought that once I finished with chemo, I would be "all better". You need to keep in mind that I am nurse. We are HORRIBLE patients. We think that we are different than other patients. We think that for some reason our bodies are super bodies that recover better than other bodies. The reason we think we will recover and heal faster is because we have work to do! We have to get out there and take care of people... Sick people... We CAN'T be sick! We can't be down! We have to take care of people! Then throw in the wife and mother factor, we REALLY can't be down... We really need to get well faster!
My hair has been an interesting journey as well. Brad and Rebekah and my long time dear friend Tammy have said that it is cute. It's still pretty thin. My friend Sally, who ended her chemo a month before me, said give it another month and it will be thick! This past week I decided to stop wearing the wigs. Why? A few reasons. One - how will I hold my graduation cap on my head with a wig too? Also - I need to show the real me and people need to see the real me. I think it is better going forward for that to happen. Oddly (and PLEASE note, I am NOT complaining about this) my leg hair and hair other places is not coming in quite as much as on my head. HOORAY!!! So happy about that!
I am on the tamoxifen. It is going ok. There are days it makes me nauseous. There are days I'm ok. I am concerned that it is causing me to have swelling in my legs and hands.
So, here I am at home, feeling not better! WHAT? I have to be better! I did the last chemo! I'm done, right? Then, guess what? I got a cold. A nasty nasty cold that was going thru my home... It started with the little boys, then Brad got it, then me... Well, that has made things hard.
So, what am I up to besides complaining that I am not feeling back to "normal"? Well... I'm not working. I was released to return to work part time. My company was not able to work with that. So, I'm home still until I can return to work full time. They also posted my job. What that means is they are no longer holding my position for me. When I am able to return, we will discuss what jobs are open and what jobs I am qualified for. However, my job and my bosses job are the only two nursing jobs in the company. Legally, they only had to hold my position for me for 12 weeks. They held it much longer. So, in reality, I'm not sure what job they will have for me when I can return. It's ok. I'm still not getting paid. But it's ok. God is going to provide. God has continued to provide.
I've been working around the house. I painted our new bedroom. (We changed rooms with Cody and the boys). It looks wonderful... I painted two and half walls blue, and one and a half yellow.... Then I put cloud decals around the room. It looks like the sky. My next step is to put stars on one part of one wall and across the ceiling!
We are getting ready to put our Christmas tree up. A dear friend gave us a financial gift so that we can get presents for the boys. Words cannot express how much that means! It means more than I can say!
I finished up with school (another blog post to come on that). I am graduating this coming Saturday (December 10). I will have my bachelors in nursing! That increases my marketability tremendously! I will look much more appealing to potential employers and possibly my current employer, if I am able to return there.
We are hanging in there. Life has been hard, but it's been hard before. God has been with us throughout this journey. I know he will continue to be there.
I will provide more blogs on some of the other things.
Thanks for listening! Love and peace!
Friday, November 18, 2016
week one without any chemo
Well, I finally had a week where I had no chemo... At least like I had before... Of course, I started the oral chemo...
How was it? Well... I thought because I was done with chemo and my mind felt better and I didn't feel so sick anymore, I could do stuff!
Day one, Monday... I picked up the house a tad, did laundry and dishes... I exercised. Day one, done.
Day two, Tuesday... I cleaned up a corner in the living room, laundry and it seems as though something else... exercised. Day two, done.
Day three, Wednesday... I could barely get out of bed. It was all I could do to wake up and stay awake. I was like a zombie all day. Then went to yoga with Rebekah. Oh my gosh! I could hardly move my arms above my head. It was awful! I came home, sat... went to bed...
Day four, Thursday... Really wasn't sure I was going to get out of bed! The grandsons, therefore, came and got in my bed with me... then Cody got in my bed with me. Well, that got me out of bed. I was up. Plus, I was supposed to have lunch with someone. I had to get up and get moving. I had to shower. Oh. My. Gosh. I had to move. I had to shower. I had to move. I got my shower. I had to get dressed. Then my friend texted me. She was ill. Believe me, not happy that my friend was ill, however... it got me to slow down a bit! I was like.. ok... I'll eat here and let the furniture absorb me again like it did yesterday. I went to my bible study group that night. Came home... made myself drink tea and eat some toast (a bedtime habit)... and went to bed.
Day five, Friday, Today... again... I waited for the bed to push me out. Didn't happen. The bed was going to allow me to stay. I couldn't stay. I had homework that I still needed to complete. My daughter was supposed to pick me up around 2, plus I wanted to weigh myself.
After prying myself out of bed. I weighed myself... 8 pounds down. Let's hope that sticks and keeps going down. I'm thinking some of this is water weight, some from the steroids. Well, let's get it off!!!!
Then I ate a bowl of cereal and allowed the chair to re-accept me as it's own. I stayed in my favorite position and worked on some things for school. My best friend, chair and 2nd best friend, remote worked with my other dear friend, lap top and I as we watched CSI and American Dad and did school work. Finally around 1, I decided I best shower since Rebekah would be by around 2. We had plans to go to the Holistic Gift Shop on Main St.
We went to the gift shop. Loved it! Found out they are having an "open house" tomorrow from 11 - 1. So, we're going to go back. They are having snacks... how can I say no? Snacks will be involved!! Haha!
Sadly, when we returned home, about an hour or so later... I was pooped... My mind sees things that need done and my body just is not cooperating. That makes me sad. Then I just get sad in general.
So, I pulled some more lavender off the stems for crafting things I want to do and came in... Then good news! IT'S A HARRY POTTER WEEKEND! That made me happy. ABC Freeform will show all the HP movies starting tonight and ending Sunday night... HOORAY!
So, how am I emotionally? I don't know. Sometimes I'm ok. and just that. ok. Not great, not wonderful. Just ok. I feel like I just don't feel much... My humor is not here like it used to be. My happiness certainly is not here like it used to be. My excitement is eh... However, sadness and uncertainty and loneliness... that comes too easy. I remember that those are tools of the enemy, but it's hard to avoid them at times.
I miss talking to people, yet most days, I really don't want to talk to anyone. I miss having a purpose. But I am reminded that I do have one. However, I just don't feel it right now.
I would love to clean the house. But I have no energy to do it. I tried this week and I have paid for it. UGH!
I think about my hair... it's coming back... but it's so slow in returning. I used to have thick blondish/ brown or brownish/ blonde hair. It's primarily grey/ white now. Brad says he loves it. He wants me to go out without the wigs or without a head covering. I'm not ready yet. He also laughs when I say something about drawing my eyebrows on. He says your fine. I look in the mirror and see nothing. I can't define my eyebrows because what there is of them is white/ grey. My eyelashes are much thinner. So, I try to remember when I go out to draw more eyebrows on and put on mascara so I look like there is something around the blue irises and white sclera. But I miss my hair.
There is a part of me that has adapted to not having any breasts. I really think I have come to terms with the reconstructive surgery. I have decided not to do it. I really think about having surgery and just the thought of it makes me nauseous. I do NOT want to go thru another 2 or more surgeries just to have breasts. I have pretty great prosthesis breasts. I can wear them if I want or take them off. But I still get sad that I don't have my own. I get sad that they tried to kill me. I make comments periodically. Like when I see a bra commercial. I say things like "Do they have any for me? I doubt it! My breasts are in some medical waste landfill somewhere!"
There are a lot of other thoughts going thru my brain. A lot more emotions. However, that will all have to wait for another day... I'm going to end this post and do some more homework... also watch some more Harry Potter!!!!
Love and Peace to all!
How was it? Well... I thought because I was done with chemo and my mind felt better and I didn't feel so sick anymore, I could do stuff!
Day one, Monday... I picked up the house a tad, did laundry and dishes... I exercised. Day one, done.
Day two, Tuesday... I cleaned up a corner in the living room, laundry and it seems as though something else... exercised. Day two, done.
Day three, Wednesday... I could barely get out of bed. It was all I could do to wake up and stay awake. I was like a zombie all day. Then went to yoga with Rebekah. Oh my gosh! I could hardly move my arms above my head. It was awful! I came home, sat... went to bed...
Day four, Thursday... Really wasn't sure I was going to get out of bed! The grandsons, therefore, came and got in my bed with me... then Cody got in my bed with me. Well, that got me out of bed. I was up. Plus, I was supposed to have lunch with someone. I had to get up and get moving. I had to shower. Oh. My. Gosh. I had to move. I had to shower. I had to move. I got my shower. I had to get dressed. Then my friend texted me. She was ill. Believe me, not happy that my friend was ill, however... it got me to slow down a bit! I was like.. ok... I'll eat here and let the furniture absorb me again like it did yesterday. I went to my bible study group that night. Came home... made myself drink tea and eat some toast (a bedtime habit)... and went to bed.
Day five, Friday, Today... again... I waited for the bed to push me out. Didn't happen. The bed was going to allow me to stay. I couldn't stay. I had homework that I still needed to complete. My daughter was supposed to pick me up around 2, plus I wanted to weigh myself.
After prying myself out of bed. I weighed myself... 8 pounds down. Let's hope that sticks and keeps going down. I'm thinking some of this is water weight, some from the steroids. Well, let's get it off!!!!
Then I ate a bowl of cereal and allowed the chair to re-accept me as it's own. I stayed in my favorite position and worked on some things for school. My best friend, chair and 2nd best friend, remote worked with my other dear friend, lap top and I as we watched CSI and American Dad and did school work. Finally around 1, I decided I best shower since Rebekah would be by around 2. We had plans to go to the Holistic Gift Shop on Main St.
We went to the gift shop. Loved it! Found out they are having an "open house" tomorrow from 11 - 1. So, we're going to go back. They are having snacks... how can I say no? Snacks will be involved!! Haha!
Sadly, when we returned home, about an hour or so later... I was pooped... My mind sees things that need done and my body just is not cooperating. That makes me sad. Then I just get sad in general.
So, I pulled some more lavender off the stems for crafting things I want to do and came in... Then good news! IT'S A HARRY POTTER WEEKEND! That made me happy. ABC Freeform will show all the HP movies starting tonight and ending Sunday night... HOORAY!
So, how am I emotionally? I don't know. Sometimes I'm ok. and just that. ok. Not great, not wonderful. Just ok. I feel like I just don't feel much... My humor is not here like it used to be. My happiness certainly is not here like it used to be. My excitement is eh... However, sadness and uncertainty and loneliness... that comes too easy. I remember that those are tools of the enemy, but it's hard to avoid them at times.
I miss talking to people, yet most days, I really don't want to talk to anyone. I miss having a purpose. But I am reminded that I do have one. However, I just don't feel it right now.
I would love to clean the house. But I have no energy to do it. I tried this week and I have paid for it. UGH!
I think about my hair... it's coming back... but it's so slow in returning. I used to have thick blondish/ brown or brownish/ blonde hair. It's primarily grey/ white now. Brad says he loves it. He wants me to go out without the wigs or without a head covering. I'm not ready yet. He also laughs when I say something about drawing my eyebrows on. He says your fine. I look in the mirror and see nothing. I can't define my eyebrows because what there is of them is white/ grey. My eyelashes are much thinner. So, I try to remember when I go out to draw more eyebrows on and put on mascara so I look like there is something around the blue irises and white sclera. But I miss my hair.
There is a part of me that has adapted to not having any breasts. I really think I have come to terms with the reconstructive surgery. I have decided not to do it. I really think about having surgery and just the thought of it makes me nauseous. I do NOT want to go thru another 2 or more surgeries just to have breasts. I have pretty great prosthesis breasts. I can wear them if I want or take them off. But I still get sad that I don't have my own. I get sad that they tried to kill me. I make comments periodically. Like when I see a bra commercial. I say things like "Do they have any for me? I doubt it! My breasts are in some medical waste landfill somewhere!"
There are a lot of other thoughts going thru my brain. A lot more emotions. However, that will all have to wait for another day... I'm going to end this post and do some more homework... also watch some more Harry Potter!!!!
Love and Peace to all!
Monday, November 14, 2016
my final chemo
Well, I had my final chemo! I was so glad... My last chemo was 10 days ago, on November 4, 2016. I was anxious because I was worried that my white blood cell count would not be high enough. But it was 3.3.
Some people have said they cried when they got their last one. I didn't cry. I was just relieved. But I was also scared. Scared of what is ahead of me. It's been since the end of April that I have been doing chemotherapy. I sort of felt like it was a security blanket I had towards the cancer. Plus, I did have something to look forward to every week. Someplace to go. Now...
Anyway, My final chemo. Brad and Rebekah came with me and sat with me the whole time. Then towards the end of my chemo, Rebeka's in-laws (and my friends) Mitch and Dulce Hurst came by. Cody also came at the end. They all sat with me while I was disconnected and said goodbye to my nurses. Then we all walked towards the front. While I checked out,
The staff called a code. A "Code Sunshine". This is something they always do when someone has their last treatement. All the available staff comes to the lobby.
I walked over to the bell and read the poem. Then rang that bell loudly three times! It was awesome... I was so glad to share that moment with my family.
When we were done Andrew, my son-in-law came. Then we went to Guerra's Krazy Tacos for a post chemo meal! Delicious! I had the lobster taco and the Wild Lucy! They were so good.
So... this past Friday came and went. I did not go to chemo. It was quite strange. It was nice not to have to go, but I admit I missed the nurses. I also missed someone coming to get me and talking with me for 2 1/2 hours.
What now? Well, this past Friday I started oral chemo. I start Tamoxifen. It is an ANTI hormonal medication. Since my cancer is driven by hormones (estrogen and progesterone) I have to take medication that will block those hormones and stop them. I will be on this oral chemo for 10 years. I will take the tamoxifen for a few years and then switch to arimidex. I have to wait until I officially go thru the change of life to start the arimidex. Yes, I had a hysterectomy several years ago, but I kept my ovaries. So, I will still go thru the change. Although I have experienced a lot of symptoms already.
I am feeling ok on the tamoxifen. It hasn't been a week yet, but so far, so good. Now more work begins.
I have gotten so out of shape while trying to fight cancer. I started going to yoga a few weeks ago. The class only meets once a week, but I am going. It is really good to go to and stretch my muscles out. I am trying this week to get my body into better shape. Well, just getting it used to doing more work.
Chemo made me so tired and weak, I couldn't do much. So I didn't. My arms and legs are so deconditioned. I wouldn't be surprised if my muscles atrophied. I used to be a runner!
So, I am trying to do like 4 stairs repeatedly (the original stair climber) and lift very small weights. I also walked to the end of my street today and back. It's more hard work than you would imagine. But, my body deserves better than what it has. So, I'm gonna work hard to get back into shape.
I'm still off work. I am not released to return to work until December. It will be interesting to see what my body and hair are like when it is time to return. Presently I am thinking I will still be wearing a wig. Brad says my hair looks good, but it is about 1/4 of an inch long. He says it's cute. I'm not comfortable showing my fuzzy head without a hat or a wig presently.
I will update again this week... more about my emotions and feelings. This entry is more about facts.
Hope all is well. If not, turn to the One who can calm you. I love the Lord. He loves you!
Peace and Love to you all!
Some people have said they cried when they got their last one. I didn't cry. I was just relieved. But I was also scared. Scared of what is ahead of me. It's been since the end of April that I have been doing chemotherapy. I sort of felt like it was a security blanket I had towards the cancer. Plus, I did have something to look forward to every week. Someplace to go. Now...
Anyway, My final chemo. Brad and Rebekah came with me and sat with me the whole time. Then towards the end of my chemo, Rebeka's in-laws (and my friends) Mitch and Dulce Hurst came by. Cody also came at the end. They all sat with me while I was disconnected and said goodbye to my nurses. Then we all walked towards the front. While I checked out,
The staff called a code. A "Code Sunshine". This is something they always do when someone has their last treatement. All the available staff comes to the lobby.
I walked over to the bell and read the poem. Then rang that bell loudly three times! It was awesome... I was so glad to share that moment with my family.
When we were done Andrew, my son-in-law came. Then we went to Guerra's Krazy Tacos for a post chemo meal! Delicious! I had the lobster taco and the Wild Lucy! They were so good.
So... this past Friday came and went. I did not go to chemo. It was quite strange. It was nice not to have to go, but I admit I missed the nurses. I also missed someone coming to get me and talking with me for 2 1/2 hours.
What now? Well, this past Friday I started oral chemo. I start Tamoxifen. It is an ANTI hormonal medication. Since my cancer is driven by hormones (estrogen and progesterone) I have to take medication that will block those hormones and stop them. I will be on this oral chemo for 10 years. I will take the tamoxifen for a few years and then switch to arimidex. I have to wait until I officially go thru the change of life to start the arimidex. Yes, I had a hysterectomy several years ago, but I kept my ovaries. So, I will still go thru the change. Although I have experienced a lot of symptoms already.
I am feeling ok on the tamoxifen. It hasn't been a week yet, but so far, so good. Now more work begins.
I have gotten so out of shape while trying to fight cancer. I started going to yoga a few weeks ago. The class only meets once a week, but I am going. It is really good to go to and stretch my muscles out. I am trying this week to get my body into better shape. Well, just getting it used to doing more work.
Chemo made me so tired and weak, I couldn't do much. So I didn't. My arms and legs are so deconditioned. I wouldn't be surprised if my muscles atrophied. I used to be a runner!
So, I am trying to do like 4 stairs repeatedly (the original stair climber) and lift very small weights. I also walked to the end of my street today and back. It's more hard work than you would imagine. But, my body deserves better than what it has. So, I'm gonna work hard to get back into shape.
I'm still off work. I am not released to return to work until December. It will be interesting to see what my body and hair are like when it is time to return. Presently I am thinking I will still be wearing a wig. Brad says my hair looks good, but it is about 1/4 of an inch long. He says it's cute. I'm not comfortable showing my fuzzy head without a hat or a wig presently.
I will update again this week... more about my emotions and feelings. This entry is more about facts.
Hope all is well. If not, turn to the One who can calm you. I love the Lord. He loves you!
Peace and Love to you all!
Monday, October 31, 2016
so tired and sorry for not being there for you
Not everyone understands how cancer makes you feel. Or at least how it makes me feel. Everyone is different. God created each of us to be different and our bodies are unique and wonderfully made. 50 people could each have the same type of cancer and have the same type of treatment and they would each not feel exactly the same. They could each have different side effects, all types of different things....
The closer I have gotten to the end of this, I have felt worse. I am just exhausted. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I'm exhausted. I start to feel better and then it's time to go back for another treatment. Each week that passes, the exhaustion and everything is worse. I'm nauseous. Weak. Beat. I can't think clearly.
I've put on weight. My blood sugar is out of whack. There are days when I feel like it's just too much. But I can't quit. I want to quit, but I can't. I have to keep going and keep fighting. The reason I have to fight and keep going is not for myself, but for my family. I think they need me. Not that I have that high of an opinion of myself, but I really do think they need me. So, for them, I fight and keep going. I don't want to keep going some days. I know what waits for me on the other side. Jesus waits for me. But I believe He has told me it's not my time right now. I'm to stay here.
Jesus told us that we would have troubles, but to take heart, He had overcome the world. Multiple times in scripture we are told that we will have troubles. We will have all sorts of troubles, financial trouble, illness, family issues... the list goes on. But Jesus is still with us throughout it all. He overcame the world and if we have Him, we will make it through.
I found out over the weekend, that my LTD provider is denying my LTD. Yes, I've said this before, but I appealed the denial. This time, it was in response to my appeal and it is the final decision. They will accept no further appeals. They did state that I could file a complaint with the Ohio Department of Insurance. Idiots. If they would have read all my appeal letter, they would see that I have indeed filed a complaint with the Ohio Department of Insurance. On that note, the Ohio Department of Insurance is still investigating. They have not provided and answer yet, but they email me periodically stating that they are still investigating. That was another blow. I really thought that my appeal would go thru and they would overturn their decision. Nope. That hit me hard. I don't know why. It just did.
This journey has taken me down paths that I didn't know I would go. It is not just a physical journey. It is emotional and mental. And those things are just with the cancer diagnosis alone. Then throw in the other things that happen...
I also have a tendency to feel sorry for myself. I fight it, but I am a selfish, self centered person. So, There are times when I feel bad for me. I fight it. It's hard. During those times, I think about what my life would have been like without cancer. What I would be doing. People that would be talking to me. What life would be like... When I was diagnosed, my life hit a dead end and took a dramatic turn into a new life. never to go back to the previous.
I think about people who have contacted me throughout this journey. I think about people who did in the beginning, but drifted away. There are also those who not only drifted away, but it actually feels like they have attempted to put distance between us. I also think about the people who never have ever mentioned it to me or to Brad. People who we may have been very close to, if not recently, but at one time. They never have said anything. Maybe they don't know what to say... Maybe those who have drifted away have become caught up in their own lives (which is very easy to do). Maybe those who have attempted to put distance between us... well, not sure about that. Do they think I am dying and they don't want to be close? Do they see some of the things that have happened and don't want to associate themselves with that or with me or both? Then I think about people that I may have done that to. People who I was close to once, and when they had a crisis occur, was I there for them? Did I drift away? Did I push away? If you are reading this and I have not been there for you at a crisis point in your life, please accept my sincere apology. I am truly sorry. I have now been on the other side and know how this can feel. If I drifted away from you during a rough time, I am very sorry. If I pushed away from you and put distance between us, I am so so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.
I also think of those that have contacted me and kept up with me throughout this battle. WOW! What dedication you have! I cannot say thank you enough. This has been a battle and is not done yet. Thank you for all you have done. All the times you have messaged me on facebook. All the texts. All the times you prayed for me. Every time you see me and just say hey or touch my arm or back. Thank you. Thank you for taking me to lunch. Thank you for checking in. Thank you for taking me to chemo. Thank you for stopping by. Thank you for the financial gifts. Thank you for the other gifts. Thank you for the gift cards. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I cannot say thank you enough. God has used you. You love has been shown. Whether you love me, my husband or my family or you just love the Lord, Your love has been visible in all these things. Thank you.
I think that is a good place to end today.....
Thank you all.... Love and peace to all... make today count.
The closer I have gotten to the end of this, I have felt worse. I am just exhausted. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I'm exhausted. I start to feel better and then it's time to go back for another treatment. Each week that passes, the exhaustion and everything is worse. I'm nauseous. Weak. Beat. I can't think clearly.
I've put on weight. My blood sugar is out of whack. There are days when I feel like it's just too much. But I can't quit. I want to quit, but I can't. I have to keep going and keep fighting. The reason I have to fight and keep going is not for myself, but for my family. I think they need me. Not that I have that high of an opinion of myself, but I really do think they need me. So, for them, I fight and keep going. I don't want to keep going some days. I know what waits for me on the other side. Jesus waits for me. But I believe He has told me it's not my time right now. I'm to stay here.
Jesus told us that we would have troubles, but to take heart, He had overcome the world. Multiple times in scripture we are told that we will have troubles. We will have all sorts of troubles, financial trouble, illness, family issues... the list goes on. But Jesus is still with us throughout it all. He overcame the world and if we have Him, we will make it through.
I found out over the weekend, that my LTD provider is denying my LTD. Yes, I've said this before, but I appealed the denial. This time, it was in response to my appeal and it is the final decision. They will accept no further appeals. They did state that I could file a complaint with the Ohio Department of Insurance. Idiots. If they would have read all my appeal letter, they would see that I have indeed filed a complaint with the Ohio Department of Insurance. On that note, the Ohio Department of Insurance is still investigating. They have not provided and answer yet, but they email me periodically stating that they are still investigating. That was another blow. I really thought that my appeal would go thru and they would overturn their decision. Nope. That hit me hard. I don't know why. It just did.
This journey has taken me down paths that I didn't know I would go. It is not just a physical journey. It is emotional and mental. And those things are just with the cancer diagnosis alone. Then throw in the other things that happen...
I also have a tendency to feel sorry for myself. I fight it, but I am a selfish, self centered person. So, There are times when I feel bad for me. I fight it. It's hard. During those times, I think about what my life would have been like without cancer. What I would be doing. People that would be talking to me. What life would be like... When I was diagnosed, my life hit a dead end and took a dramatic turn into a new life. never to go back to the previous.
I think about people who have contacted me throughout this journey. I think about people who did in the beginning, but drifted away. There are also those who not only drifted away, but it actually feels like they have attempted to put distance between us. I also think about the people who never have ever mentioned it to me or to Brad. People who we may have been very close to, if not recently, but at one time. They never have said anything. Maybe they don't know what to say... Maybe those who have drifted away have become caught up in their own lives (which is very easy to do). Maybe those who have attempted to put distance between us... well, not sure about that. Do they think I am dying and they don't want to be close? Do they see some of the things that have happened and don't want to associate themselves with that or with me or both? Then I think about people that I may have done that to. People who I was close to once, and when they had a crisis occur, was I there for them? Did I drift away? Did I push away? If you are reading this and I have not been there for you at a crisis point in your life, please accept my sincere apology. I am truly sorry. I have now been on the other side and know how this can feel. If I drifted away from you during a rough time, I am very sorry. If I pushed away from you and put distance between us, I am so so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.
I also think of those that have contacted me and kept up with me throughout this battle. WOW! What dedication you have! I cannot say thank you enough. This has been a battle and is not done yet. Thank you for all you have done. All the times you have messaged me on facebook. All the texts. All the times you prayed for me. Every time you see me and just say hey or touch my arm or back. Thank you. Thank you for taking me to lunch. Thank you for checking in. Thank you for taking me to chemo. Thank you for stopping by. Thank you for the financial gifts. Thank you for the other gifts. Thank you for the gift cards. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I cannot say thank you enough. God has used you. You love has been shown. Whether you love me, my husband or my family or you just love the Lord, Your love has been visible in all these things. Thank you.
I think that is a good place to end today.....
Thank you all.... Love and peace to all... make today count.
Saturday, October 29, 2016
one more week
Well, here we are.... one week left of chemo. Oh how I can't wait. My body has been saying the last couple weeks that it is done... Each week has gotten just a little worse. I have had nausea that has gotten worse each week, the taste of chemo in my mouth is just awful! My appetite is not sure what it wants to do. and the weakness of my body.... UGH! I am just wiped out....
Yesterday at chemo I took a nap. Rebekah said I was sleeping so good I even snored a little bit! I panicked! She said it was very quiet snoring...
I can not believe I only have last IV chemo treatment. I am so glad. And scared. I'll be glad to not have the side effects, especially the weakness, but UGH! After this is done, I will start oral chemo... Hormone blockers. My cancer is fed by estrogen and progesterone so I need to take medication to keep them down and away. I will do this for the next 10 years.
I saw my surgeon, Dr Daniels last week. She was very pleased with me. Examined me and said nothing out of the ordinary was there. I go back to her in 6 months. She said I will continue to follow up with her for the next 2 years. WOW! But, that's good. Between her and Dr Filix, they will be keeping an eye on me closely. That is good. I want to make sure that this never comes back!
I started yoga with Rebekah on Wednesday nights. I have only gone 2 weeks, but I feel like it helps. It centers me and I can feel the stretching. Especially in my left arm where the lymph nodes were removed.
Tonight is trick or treat here. We have candy ready to pass out and the boys are going out as Marshall and Rubble from Paw Patrol. I'm excited for them.
I don't feel absolutely AWFUL like I did on the Red Devil, but I don't feel good. I am exhuasted and weak. I'm nauseous and have the awful chemo taste in my mouth. But, I will sit at the end of the driveway and hand out candy to the little ones that come by.
I have a lot more deep thoughts and introspections, but today, I'm done... I'm tired and we need to get ready for the trick or treaters.
I also and frustrated waiting on my grade from my most recent class! UGH! Post it already! I start my final class towards my Bachelors Monday... :) Praise the Lord!!!!
Will write more later....
Love and Peace to all.
Monday, October 17, 2016
just some overall thoughts...
Here I am on a Monday. Trying to focus, but my brain can't.... Why? Not sure... Is it chemo overload? Is it just general overload? Is it school burnout? I'm not sure. Could be a combination. So what is going on?
Well, I have three more chemo treatments to go. I'm glad. But also anxious. It is kind-a a let down because I have become so accustomed to having this as a part of my life and see the nurses there. It has been a bit of a social life for me. That's sort of sad, isn't it? But, it is what it is. My social life was never much anyway. Each treatment depends on what my blood count is on the days of treatment. My white blood cells have been low still, but not low enough to not have chemo! My hemoglobin has been low or on the low end of normal as well. But again, not low enough to need a blood transfusion. My brain is so fuzzy. It seems more fuzzy the first 3 or 4 days after chemo, starts to clear a bit, then more chemo. I've started having nausea again after chemo. I get nauseous when the steroids wear off. Not enough to throw up (which is good I guess because I hate to vomit) but you know how you sometimes think if I could just throw up, I would feel better? Yeah... It's like that, but no vomiting. I also have the chemo taste in my mouth. I taste the chemo as it is going in and then I taste it for three or four more days.... then it goes away and I have a day or two and then I go back for chemo. On those days, jolly ranchers are a great help because the sourness helps cut the taste and if I eat something spicy or tomato based, the acid helps cut the taste. The taste is just ECK... it's like metal and medicine and medical alcohol all in one taste in my mouth.
School is progressing. I really do not like my TA. She is so flippin nit picky. The thing is, she doesn't criticize my actual work, she picks apart my references and the format of my typing. All papers must be written in APA format. I have been doing this for 2 years. I have never had a TA nit pick like this. The date wrongly formatted. This word was capitalized, this word wasn't. Just stupid crap. I change something that she tells me is wrong. Then she tells me what I changed is wrong as well, when I changed it the way she told me to! UGH!
When I say Dr Filix the last time, he told me to live my life. To enjoy every day and just live my life. Don't focus on the cancer. Don't think about recurrance. He explained that I could still have some cancer cells in my body, but they are likely dormant cancer cells. The chemo is killing all the active cancer cells. But the chemo cannot kill the dormant cells. It can't kill them because they are dormant. He said those dormant cells could remain dormant the rest of my life. Those dormant cells could also choose to become active again at some point in my life. If they become active, then the cancer has returned. Of course, if the cancer returns, I have no breasts, so it could come back as bone cancer, lung cancer, liver cancer or worst case, brain cancer. So, live my life. Enjoy my life. Only God knows if my cancer will return. If it does, we will deal with it then. So, I will keep doing what I'm doing now (finishing chemo) and then will live my life!
Of course, after my chemo is over, I will go on oral meds. I will start out on Tamoxifen. I will take that for about 3 - 4 years. Only 3 - 4 years because I am presently not in "real" menopause. I AM however in chemopause. I have the effects of menopause, but it's all induced from the chemo. After 3 - 4 years, I will switch from Tamoxifen to Arimidex because by then I should have definitely reached menopause. Overall, I will stay on these meds for 10 years. Then what? I don't know... Just live my life. Life my life and trust that God has it under control.
Because of the chemo and the steroids, I have put on about 20 pounds. My clothes don't fit like they used to. The nurses and everyone tells me it will come off when the chemo ends. I hope so. I feel like my belly is huge. Of course, it doesn't help that I have no breasts. So, I just see the belly.
My hair is still trying to come back. It's grey. It's very very short. Not even long enough for a barrette or anything, but it does interfere with my wigs. It makes my wigs not want to stay on my head as much. So, I have to wear a wig cap when I wear my wigs now. What a hoot. While I'm comfortable at home not having a cap or scarf or wig on, I'm not comfortable doing that in public. However, I am ok not wearing my breasts all the time in public. But I always wear them to church.
The other thing after chemo for a few days is my face, hands and feet feel tight and full. Like I'm holding water in my feet, hands and face... it goes away a day or two before chemo... then it comes back... UGH! My face just feels fat...
I was blessed to be able to speak at the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event here in Springfield! The blogger says the video of me speaking is too big for me to upload here, but here's a photo of me afterwards. :) And of course, one by my ribbon. My daughter also shared in the event by singing the National Anthem. I was very proud of her.
That week was a busy week. Rebekah and I also went to the Ladies Night Out for Breast Health. It was held at the Hollenbeck Center. They had speakers and dinner and gifts for survivors as well as raffle prizes. It was a great night and good time. Of course, I wore one of my wigs (Raquel) and my breasts. I received a glow stick wand. That made me happy. I got to use some of my magical powers that night. 
Some other blessings have come in the form of financial blessings. Brad and I are still trying to live on his income (which is 2/3 less than mine). Then something will hit that we aren't planning for. Let's be honest. We are not planning for ANYTHING to hit us financially. We are planning on just surviving until I can go back to work. The starter went out in my car. Usually an easy fix and as car parts go, not HORRIBLE. Well, when we sold Brad's truck to have money to live, we used some of that money to buy a vehicle to get around in. We got a 2005 VW Beetle. We purchased it from an auto repair shop where the original owner had taken it and then could not afford the repairs due to several unfortunate circumstances in his life. We purchased the car for the price of the repairs, so really great deal. Well, the starter went out. We checked all the auto parts stores here in town. The price was comparable to other starters on other cars we have had. However, after Brad purchased the starter, it was not correct. It did not match the one he pulled out. Grrrr. He went to several auto parts stores in town. None of them matched. He had to call a VW dealer here in town and have them order one for him. Well, with VW, parts are not always in town. Also, parts are not always in the United States. Most times, parts for VW's are actually in Germany and you have to wait for it to come from there. Fortunately for us, there were THREE starters in the United States. So, we only had to wait a few days for it to make it here to Springfield. The original cost of the starter was $500. $500!!!!!!!!!!! (do you hear my panic and feel the sick feeling in my stomach? But because of where Brad works, they ran it through his company. (We paid). That dropped the price to $400 (still sick and freaked out). But... The price drops down to $300 when we give them the old starter (the core). ok... better still... Then at the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event, I won the 50/50 raffle... I got $94 !!! That drops it down close to $200. That is better still. Then because of my friend Debra Heckler, someone donated money to our gofundme account. https://www.gofundme.com/27jv7dgb and then I ran into a coworker last week and she gave us a financial gift. There have been many who have given us financial gifts. I cannot thank you enough. I feel awkward having a gofundme account. I feel awkward receiving financial gifts. Some have given us so much. Some have given smaller amounts. Let me tell you, $5, $50, WHATEVER! It has been such a huge blessing to us. God has provided and I believe God provided thru Debra starting the gofundme account. There have been people who have donated anonymously. Thank you Anonymous! There have also been people who have sent us gift cards. Thank you! Seriously, there are no words. I have seen God work in others lives and our lives throughout this ordeal. It has been great. Without these financial gifts, Brad and I would not make it through this. Seriously. Without people's generosity, we could not have survived this long. I am grateful for everything that has been given to us and I continue to pray that the generosity of others will continue. I know that God will continue to see us thru. :)
I had a new panic last night. I asked Brad if he has life insurance on me. He is not sure. Oh my gosh! I'm panicked. What if I die? Like, what if I go out and get hit by a bus or am in a car accident? He does not have life insurance on me. I used to have life insurance on myself, but when my long term disability was denied and then I was out of work for 6 months, my company dropped my insurance. I lost my vision, dental, life insurance... Thank the Lord that Brad carries the medical. So..... now we have to pray that I don't get hit by a bus!
For those of you wondering, yes, I appealed the denial of my Long Term Disability. I have heard nothing at this point. I keep praying and have been praying extra hard these last few days about it. Please pray for me as well. I feel my appeal letter was very great and had excellent points. I also filed a complaint with the Ohio Department of Insurance. They feel I have a very good case as well. I had a friend who is a paralegal assist me in my appeal letter. But, no word yet. Brad does not feel that I will win the appeal. I feel there is a chance. There is no chance if you don't try. If I think about that situation too long, I get really really angry and hurt. I feel betrayed. I put trust (and money) in something that did not matter. Of course, isn't that what Jesus tries to tell us all through the New Testament? Don't put your trust in man, put your trust in Me. Men will always fail you. Jesus will not. I just feel embarrassed that I trusted a system and man. My hope should not have been in them, but in the Lord alone.
I guess that is a lesson I have learned. My hope is in Christ. I have always loved the Lord but as with anyone, I sometimes also think that things of this world will also be there for me. That's wrong.
Something else that hit me over the weekend were a couple of scriptures from Proverbs 16. Proverbs 16:1 - We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer. Proverbs 16:9 - We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:33 - We may throw the dice, but the Lord determines how they fall.
I had plans. I had made plans. But just because I made these plans, God determined how they were going to go and what steps I would take. I had plans before I found a lump on January 29. The Lord determined new steps. I threw the dice on March 14 when I had a lumpectomy. The Lord had those dice fall a different way than I thought... that's why on March 29 I had a double mastectomy. I had plans for May 9, to return to work... The Lord gave me HIS right answer and showed me new steps and did not allow me to return to work due to my reactions to chemo and the weakness and low blood counts I would have to endure. I had plans to finish my bachelor's degree. So far, the Lord has said, Sara you are going to keep taking those steps towards your bachelor's degree. You are going to feel rough doing it. You are going to struggle. But after all that your bachelor's degree will be more sweet.
What other plans have I had that maybe will not be achieved in the steps that I thought?
Something to think about this week....
thanks for listening!
Love and Peace... Sara
Friday, October 7, 2016
chemo number 8 in the books
Well, today I did chemo number 8. 4 more to go! My white blood cells were higher, 3.8. That was good...
I also met with the radiation oncologist this afternoon. We discussed my surgeries and results. She did a very thorough exam. She stated that the risks of me doing radiation outweigh the benefits of me doing radiation. So, she said she does not recommend radiation in my case. So even with having 3 positive lymph nodes, it's not recommended because the cancer in those lymph nodes was MICROmetastisis, if the cancer had been MACROmetastisis, then yes... but because it was microscopic, we assume it was all taken in the surgery and that any left overs have been killed by the chemotherapy.
So, no radiation for me!
I have 4 more chemo treatments to do. They make me so tired. I saw Dr Filix on Monday. He said things seem to be going well. I see him again in a month.
This whole thing has been such a roller coaster. My emotions just go everywhere. I'm in school and that makes me frustrated as well. I have had a couple mini breakdowns this week. But, it's ok. I think that is to be expected. I just feel like poo after chemo, then sometimes with the boys here, it just becomes too much. I have so much going on, or at least I feel like it... it's hard. Plus the money side of it. It just wears me down.
This whole cancer thing is not just a physical battle, but a mental and emotional one as well!
Monday, my car wouldn't start. Thankfully I was near Rebekah's job and it was close to her time to get off work. She picked me up. She and I tried to jump it, but no go. When Brad came home from work, he went out there and tried to jump it. nope. So, the next day it was towed home. Cody and Brad had determined it was the starter. Well, in a VW Beetle, the engine is pretty compressed. So, Cody said he would work on it while Brad was at work. Well, Cody had to take the tire off, I think part of the brakes, the inner lining of the fender, another liner, the battery had to come out, then he could start to loosen the starter. Oh my gosh... So, starter came out around 7 at night. Brad went in town to get one, they had to order it. Cody took me to the auto store the next day, I picked up the starter and paid for it. Brad came home that night (last night) and was going to install it. He looked at the new starter, then at the old one (because we had not turned it in yet) and they did not match. So, he went to a different auto parts store, they sold him one for a manual transmission because it looked like it. Brad realized that there was one part that did not look as long as the original. So, he came home and measured everything on the car. It was not the same size. So... he went to the auto parts place and talked to them (and returned the starter). They said he should call a dealership and see if they had one or could order him one. He did that today. It is costing twice a much for the starter. But, I told him, we're still better off because if we had to take it the dealership or other auto repair, it would cost even more! There are only 3 VW Beetle starters in the country. In the country! They are ordering it and it will be here on Monday. ugh!
Earlier this week, there was so much I wanted to blog about, today I don't remember. Chemo brain is real people!
Last night, Rebekah and I went to Ladies Night Out for Women's Health. Had dinner and a nice program. It was fun. Tomorrow we are going to Making Strides for Breast Cancer. I'm not walking in it. I just don't have the energy or strength to do a 5K right now. However, I will go and sit in the survivor area. Rebekah is going to sing the National Anthem and I am going to speak.
After Making Strides, we are going to a wedding. Then after the wedding, Brad and Cody are going to a church event. The event is called Steak and Shoot. It's held at a gun range here, the guys go and shoot guns and then have a steak dinner. As our minister said, what's better than eating meat and shootin stuff? I plan on going to bed... LOL
Ok... if I think of more things I will update...
Until then Love and Peace!
Monday, September 26, 2016
another week of chemo
Each week is different... You never know what it's going to hold. But that is true for life in general.
This past week, I came home from chemo on Friday and slept... then slept all night (after 2 ativan and a sleeping pill). I got up Saturday and had Cody push me in the wheelchair at the farmer's market. We got corn and spaghetti squash and some cheese. Then he pushed me over to the Culture Fest and pushed me around there. The boys loved it. Plus it wore them out. Brad had to work. We came home and, again, I took a nap. When Sunday hit... YIKES! I woke up feeling eh.... went to church. Left church and then lunch. I was nauseous most of the morning and Brad offered to take me home instead of to lunch with the family. I went with the family. Ate a grilled cheese... then home and to bed. Slept most of the day, got up for dinner and basically back to bed. I woke up nauseous this morning, but not as bad as yesterday. Some may say, maybe you had a virus... I don't think so, I think it was the chemo.
Yesterday I was very emotional too. Very emotional. I spoke with someone at church that had a double mastectomy a week or two ago. She is doing ok. I'm glad. She and I talked again about radiation. She has already had her chemo, she had chemo first and THEN surgery. I had surgery and then chemo. Anyway.... none of her lymph nodes had cancer in them at the time of surgery. Prior to chemo, they felt 100% that at least one of her lymph nodes had cancer it in. The chemo and the Lord apparently removed it. However, when she went to the oncologist this past week, she had thought that because no cancer in the lymph nodes, no radiation. He told her there is a new study out that shows it may be beneficial to do radiation anyway. So she is going to an appointment with the radiation oncologist. I told her my concerns and that I see the oncologist on October 3 and am going to discuss them with him.
At first my oncologist looked at my chart and said you will need radiation because you had a lumpectomy. Then looked further and said oh wait, you had double mastectomy, you do not need radiation. Well, no one has brought up that 2 of my lymph nodes had small cancerous tumors and 1 had greater than 200 cells of cancer in it and that a lymph vessel in my breast had a cancerous tumor in it. So, I am bringing it up. Brad asks why bring it up? Do you WANT radiation? No, I don't want it. I am afraid of it. But - what if I should have and I don't speak up so I don't get it and that could be the difference in me having a recurrence or not? Brad says I just don't think you need it. I don't like that they go back and forth. And now there's a new study? I think I get where Brad is coming from. My gut says he is saying all this because he doesn't want me to go through all this. He tells me all the time that he is sorry I have to go thru this. He wishes he could take it from me. So, I think that is where he is coming from, he doesn't want me to have to endure more. I really don't want to either, but I also don't want the fear hanging over me that I didn't do everything I possibly could! I'm scared. Point blank. I'm scared. I don't want this to ever come back. So, while radiation does not look appealing to me, if they think it's a good idea, I want it. So, October 3, I'm asking... I want more definitive answers.
At this point, my chemo won't be over until November. Ugh... but it's ok.... Rebekah and my cousin Barbara are my usual companions for chemo. I took myself once and Brad came as soon as I got my numbers. He didn't want me there alone and really has concern on how I will be afterwards due to the benedryl. Sometimes I am still sleepy.
I was thinking the other day. Sometimes this whole thing just seems surreal to me. Like, do I really have cancer? Is this really happening to me? It should seem real... I mean, I've had my breasts taken off. I've lost all my hair (and it's coming back). I go to the cancer center so stinkin much, I mean once a week or more! I'm not working, I'm not getting paid. But, do I feel like I have cancer? No... But what does it feel like to have cancer? I have no idea.
Here's what I know... for over a year, I have felt like crap. I now know it was because I had cancer and didn't know it. However, is that what cancer feels like? I don't know. I just know I have felt tired and exhausted for over a year. Of course, that has gotten worse since I started chemo. I seriously still can't believe that this is real. I really have cancer. My grandmother had cancer. Breast cancer. She had a recurrence and it went to her bones. (another reason, I want to make sure it is gone!). This all seems like a very surreal experience and I still can't believe it is happening.
I am scared. I shouldn't be, because I have the Lord. But I'm also human. I'm scared. I'm scared that I get to the end of my treatment and then what? It's not like I can have a mammogram to see if it has come back. I have no boobs! How do I know? Let me say, I am NOT afraid to die. I look forward to death as it means a release from my earthly troubles and will live with Jesus. However, I am afraid of going thru all this again. I want it done and over with in one shot. However, I do understand that if God allows me to go thru it again, I must accept it and do the best I can. This whole thing just overwhelms me. Its been so much to digest and accept. I mean, I was living my life and then it was turned upside down and inside out. I had to make life altering decisions in moments and that still continues. I have to hope and pray that even though they have reduced my dosage due to my low white blood cell counts, that it's still good enough to kill off any stray cancer cells. Saturday starts Breast Cancer Awareness month. I'm a part of that now because I have breast cancer and am considered a survivor. It's bizarre. It's a place I never thought I would be and still can't believe I'm there. I'm trying to get used to wearing my prosthetic breasts out places. Sometimes I feel ok with nothing, other times, I want my breasts. I still miss my real breasts, even though they were trying to kill me. I don't know... So much...
In other news, finished my first class this semester. Two more til my bachelor's degree! WOOO! I have applied to graduate. Ordered my cap and gown. The thought makes me nauseous. I have to make it through this course (which I think I'll be ok) and then my senior project/ preceptorship. I have a great preceptor, Jennifer Bloom-Long, RN MSN ANP. I think my project is good. I just pray to do well so I don't have to repeat and I graduate on time.
Also hoping that my bedroom gets switched around this week. I asked for it to be done by the end of the month... They are trying. God love them. They try. Brad works so hard, all week at work and then here at home. I see the tiredness and exhaustion in his face and eyes. I also see worry there. I love him. I pray for him and that he holds up thru this.
My friend Debbie is going thru a tough time right now. Her husband has been admitted to hospice for his lymphoma. It has progressed severely now and they have said it is a matter of time. She has fought this battle with him for a few years now. I can't imagine what she is going thru. It has got to be incredibly difficult. Please pray for her.
Thanks, as always, for listening. My love and peace to you.
<3
This past week, I came home from chemo on Friday and slept... then slept all night (after 2 ativan and a sleeping pill). I got up Saturday and had Cody push me in the wheelchair at the farmer's market. We got corn and spaghetti squash and some cheese. Then he pushed me over to the Culture Fest and pushed me around there. The boys loved it. Plus it wore them out. Brad had to work. We came home and, again, I took a nap. When Sunday hit... YIKES! I woke up feeling eh.... went to church. Left church and then lunch. I was nauseous most of the morning and Brad offered to take me home instead of to lunch with the family. I went with the family. Ate a grilled cheese... then home and to bed. Slept most of the day, got up for dinner and basically back to bed. I woke up nauseous this morning, but not as bad as yesterday. Some may say, maybe you had a virus... I don't think so, I think it was the chemo.
Yesterday I was very emotional too. Very emotional. I spoke with someone at church that had a double mastectomy a week or two ago. She is doing ok. I'm glad. She and I talked again about radiation. She has already had her chemo, she had chemo first and THEN surgery. I had surgery and then chemo. Anyway.... none of her lymph nodes had cancer in them at the time of surgery. Prior to chemo, they felt 100% that at least one of her lymph nodes had cancer it in. The chemo and the Lord apparently removed it. However, when she went to the oncologist this past week, she had thought that because no cancer in the lymph nodes, no radiation. He told her there is a new study out that shows it may be beneficial to do radiation anyway. So she is going to an appointment with the radiation oncologist. I told her my concerns and that I see the oncologist on October 3 and am going to discuss them with him.
At first my oncologist looked at my chart and said you will need radiation because you had a lumpectomy. Then looked further and said oh wait, you had double mastectomy, you do not need radiation. Well, no one has brought up that 2 of my lymph nodes had small cancerous tumors and 1 had greater than 200 cells of cancer in it and that a lymph vessel in my breast had a cancerous tumor in it. So, I am bringing it up. Brad asks why bring it up? Do you WANT radiation? No, I don't want it. I am afraid of it. But - what if I should have and I don't speak up so I don't get it and that could be the difference in me having a recurrence or not? Brad says I just don't think you need it. I don't like that they go back and forth. And now there's a new study? I think I get where Brad is coming from. My gut says he is saying all this because he doesn't want me to go through all this. He tells me all the time that he is sorry I have to go thru this. He wishes he could take it from me. So, I think that is where he is coming from, he doesn't want me to have to endure more. I really don't want to either, but I also don't want the fear hanging over me that I didn't do everything I possibly could! I'm scared. Point blank. I'm scared. I don't want this to ever come back. So, while radiation does not look appealing to me, if they think it's a good idea, I want it. So, October 3, I'm asking... I want more definitive answers.
At this point, my chemo won't be over until November. Ugh... but it's ok.... Rebekah and my cousin Barbara are my usual companions for chemo. I took myself once and Brad came as soon as I got my numbers. He didn't want me there alone and really has concern on how I will be afterwards due to the benedryl. Sometimes I am still sleepy.
I was thinking the other day. Sometimes this whole thing just seems surreal to me. Like, do I really have cancer? Is this really happening to me? It should seem real... I mean, I've had my breasts taken off. I've lost all my hair (and it's coming back). I go to the cancer center so stinkin much, I mean once a week or more! I'm not working, I'm not getting paid. But, do I feel like I have cancer? No... But what does it feel like to have cancer? I have no idea.
Here's what I know... for over a year, I have felt like crap. I now know it was because I had cancer and didn't know it. However, is that what cancer feels like? I don't know. I just know I have felt tired and exhausted for over a year. Of course, that has gotten worse since I started chemo. I seriously still can't believe that this is real. I really have cancer. My grandmother had cancer. Breast cancer. She had a recurrence and it went to her bones. (another reason, I want to make sure it is gone!). This all seems like a very surreal experience and I still can't believe it is happening.
I am scared. I shouldn't be, because I have the Lord. But I'm also human. I'm scared. I'm scared that I get to the end of my treatment and then what? It's not like I can have a mammogram to see if it has come back. I have no boobs! How do I know? Let me say, I am NOT afraid to die. I look forward to death as it means a release from my earthly troubles and will live with Jesus. However, I am afraid of going thru all this again. I want it done and over with in one shot. However, I do understand that if God allows me to go thru it again, I must accept it and do the best I can. This whole thing just overwhelms me. Its been so much to digest and accept. I mean, I was living my life and then it was turned upside down and inside out. I had to make life altering decisions in moments and that still continues. I have to hope and pray that even though they have reduced my dosage due to my low white blood cell counts, that it's still good enough to kill off any stray cancer cells. Saturday starts Breast Cancer Awareness month. I'm a part of that now because I have breast cancer and am considered a survivor. It's bizarre. It's a place I never thought I would be and still can't believe I'm there. I'm trying to get used to wearing my prosthetic breasts out places. Sometimes I feel ok with nothing, other times, I want my breasts. I still miss my real breasts, even though they were trying to kill me. I don't know... So much...
In other news, finished my first class this semester. Two more til my bachelor's degree! WOOO! I have applied to graduate. Ordered my cap and gown. The thought makes me nauseous. I have to make it through this course (which I think I'll be ok) and then my senior project/ preceptorship. I have a great preceptor, Jennifer Bloom-Long, RN MSN ANP. I think my project is good. I just pray to do well so I don't have to repeat and I graduate on time.
Also hoping that my bedroom gets switched around this week. I asked for it to be done by the end of the month... They are trying. God love them. They try. Brad works so hard, all week at work and then here at home. I see the tiredness and exhaustion in his face and eyes. I also see worry there. I love him. I pray for him and that he holds up thru this.
My friend Debbie is going thru a tough time right now. Her husband has been admitted to hospice for his lymphoma. It has progressed severely now and they have said it is a matter of time. She has fought this battle with him for a few years now. I can't imagine what she is going thru. It has got to be incredibly difficult. Please pray for her.
Thanks, as always, for listening. My love and peace to you.
<3
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
New York City
So.... we made it to New York City. Brad had quite the fun time.... He pushed me all over Manhattan in wheelchair. He stated the next morning that his back hurt. Hmmmmm If I was pushing someone that weighed (insert your own guess here) all over Manhattan, my back would hurt too.
Rebekah went to her audition... It was a Broadway audition and she made it past the first cut! Was so happy!!! She was then was cut in the next round, but the only kept 6 people after that, so ... She was so excited and happy and we were so proud of her!
We spent the night, got up the next morning and we were going to run into Manhattan and then head home. We went to the Donut Plant. Oh my.... those are the best donuts. They are ranked nationally. Interestingly... The Donut Plant store is on W 23rd St. It is on 23rd St between 7th and 8th. Well, later that day, a bomb exploded on W 23rd St between 6th and 7th. So, right where we were, a bomb exploded. I'm sure you heard about it. That bomb was connected to 3 others... They have arrested someone. Possibly part of a sleeper cell. Hooray! (Insert sarcasm here).
We ate lunch at Carnegie Deli and had pastrami. Oh my.... I love New York pastrami. We also got some Juniors cheesecake to take home... well, to eat in the car on the way home. haha. It was quite delicious. Seriously, New York City has some of my most favorite foods and most delicious foods.
So... we are headed home. Things are going like they should. We pulled off to get gas, pulled in the gas station, thought it would be like a truck stop. So, we pulled in and then we pulled out. Took like 5 minutes. This is important. So, we keep on moving down the highway... West on I -80. We did stop for gas again, got gas... moved on. Stopped again at a real truck stop, used the facilities and grabbed some McDonald's. Then back onto I-80 West. Doing great.... gonna make it home before 1:30am. We hit a rain storm... made it through that... We are looking good... We are about 12 miles from the Pennsylvania/ Ohio border... Then STOP... Everything stopped. All traffic stopped... What the heck? Couldn't see anything. Sat there for a while and I pointed out, have you seen any traffic coming at us on I-80 Eastbound? No.... uh-oh. Brad looked it up on his phone. Two semi's hydroplaned on I-80 East and came across the median. Then a semi heading westbound hit one of the trailers that wrecked and spread everything in that trailer all over the highway... Not really sure how long we sat there. Brad says around 4 hours or so. So we eventually made it home. We rolled in around 6:30am. Wow! We came in, put on our jammies and went to bed.
We were so thankful for God's interventions in our life. God protected us from the NYC bombing. God protected us by having us pull off the highway for 5 minutes therefore protecting us from being in a serious accident.
So, there is my quick New York trip. Brad said it was the first real person thing I have done in, oh I don't know.... FORVER!
We came home to Frisch's pumpkin pie.... mmmmm.....
Of course, traveling does not always agree with me. Sometimes I get constipated. Almost always, I retain water. Then throw in the crap food I ate. Including the pastrami, oh man... So, I've been retaining water pretty good.... Today I woke up with my face swollen. I have been trying to push fluids, maybe not as good as I should, but today I pushed and pushed. I am hoping tomorrow is a better day fluid wise.
I've been doing a lot of thinking, but my train of thought has been lost. When I get my thoughts together, will update for real.
Have a great day! love and peace...
Rebekah went to her audition... It was a Broadway audition and she made it past the first cut! Was so happy!!! She was then was cut in the next round, but the only kept 6 people after that, so ... She was so excited and happy and we were so proud of her!
We spent the night, got up the next morning and we were going to run into Manhattan and then head home. We went to the Donut Plant. Oh my.... those are the best donuts. They are ranked nationally. Interestingly... The Donut Plant store is on W 23rd St. It is on 23rd St between 7th and 8th. Well, later that day, a bomb exploded on W 23rd St between 6th and 7th. So, right where we were, a bomb exploded. I'm sure you heard about it. That bomb was connected to 3 others... They have arrested someone. Possibly part of a sleeper cell. Hooray! (Insert sarcasm here).
We ate lunch at Carnegie Deli and had pastrami. Oh my.... I love New York pastrami. We also got some Juniors cheesecake to take home... well, to eat in the car on the way home. haha. It was quite delicious. Seriously, New York City has some of my most favorite foods and most delicious foods.
So... we are headed home. Things are going like they should. We pulled off to get gas, pulled in the gas station, thought it would be like a truck stop. So, we pulled in and then we pulled out. Took like 5 minutes. This is important. So, we keep on moving down the highway... West on I -80. We did stop for gas again, got gas... moved on. Stopped again at a real truck stop, used the facilities and grabbed some McDonald's. Then back onto I-80 West. Doing great.... gonna make it home before 1:30am. We hit a rain storm... made it through that... We are looking good... We are about 12 miles from the Pennsylvania/ Ohio border... Then STOP... Everything stopped. All traffic stopped... What the heck? Couldn't see anything. Sat there for a while and I pointed out, have you seen any traffic coming at us on I-80 Eastbound? No.... uh-oh. Brad looked it up on his phone. Two semi's hydroplaned on I-80 East and came across the median. Then a semi heading westbound hit one of the trailers that wrecked and spread everything in that trailer all over the highway... Not really sure how long we sat there. Brad says around 4 hours or so. So we eventually made it home. We rolled in around 6:30am. Wow! We came in, put on our jammies and went to bed.
We were so thankful for God's interventions in our life. God protected us from the NYC bombing. God protected us by having us pull off the highway for 5 minutes therefore protecting us from being in a serious accident.
So, there is my quick New York trip. Brad said it was the first real person thing I have done in, oh I don't know.... FORVER!
We came home to Frisch's pumpkin pie.... mmmmm.....
Of course, traveling does not always agree with me. Sometimes I get constipated. Almost always, I retain water. Then throw in the crap food I ate. Including the pastrami, oh man... So, I've been retaining water pretty good.... Today I woke up with my face swollen. I have been trying to push fluids, maybe not as good as I should, but today I pushed and pushed. I am hoping tomorrow is a better day fluid wise.
I've been doing a lot of thinking, but my train of thought has been lost. When I get my thoughts together, will update for real.
Have a great day! love and peace...
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