Fake Boobs and TSA

Well.... we went to New York City. It was to catch up with our daughter, Rebekah who had gone for auditions. The auditions were not successful in the sense that she did not get a professional dance job. But she did get more audition experience and took a couple classes. 

Anyway... So, we get to Dayton International Airport and go thru security. I'm thinking to myself, I hope I don't get stopped again like I did when we went to Florida. I was stopped in Columbus and again in Orlando. Well, I go thru the whole body scan thing and get stopped and pulled aside. She tells me just like they did before that she needs to pat me down and this can be done in private or in public, my choice. I just want to get thru. I say here is fine. But things are clicking in my brain now. This is what happened before. They had to pat me down before. Again, she tells me she is going to have to feel the area above and below my breasts. JUST LIKE LAST TIME!  I tell her, I have no breasts, these are prosthetics. She stands there with a blank look. Brad is laughing. Then of course, she has to check my hands to make sure I don't have bomb juice on them. I'm cleared. I'm not a bomber. Off to New York! 

We enjoy our trip.... blah blah blah... Then off to the airport to come home. So, we are at La Guardia. I tell the family, I bet you I get pulled aside again. Go thru the body scanner. This time I saw my body image on the screen. My breast area is lit up like the 4th of July! So again, I'm told they need to pat me down in the breast area and this can be done in private or out there. In the interest of time, I'm like, just do it here. I say again "I have prosthetic breasts. I've fought breast cancer this past year.". Oh ok... So, she begins the pat down. This time I did say to her, "My prosthetics are good aren't they? Feel real!" She DID smile at me. My family is smiling at me. I ask her, the TSA agent, "are my prosthetic breasts making the scanner go off?" She smiles again and says she doesn't know. Well, I need to know! This is my life! 

I look it up... YUPP! The prosthetic breasts are making the scanner light up and getting me a pat down every time! I found a few articles: 

• http://www.amoena.com/uk-en/your-lifestyle/traveling-with-your-silicone-breast-form/
• http://www.nbcnews.com/id/40278427/ns/travel-news/t/tsa-forces-cancer-survivor-show-prosthetic-breast/
• http://www.cancer.net/blog/2015-07/airport-travel-tips-people-cancer

Apparently there is a card that was developed at OSU that simply states I have prosthetic breasts so that I don't have to TELL the TSA agent. HOWEVER, they STILL have to do the pat down!!!! Regardless, I will have to be pat down each time OR I can put the breasts in the little tubs to go thru the scanner without me. Then they will ask me about the breasts and go thru THAT nonsense. Of course, I will also not have any breasts! 

Can breast cancer become more humiliating? It's not enough that I don't always feel like a woman and feel less than a lot. But NOW everytime I fly somewhere, I will be stopped, pat down and checked for bomb juice! Yes, you're right. I don't have to fly everywhere. But let me fill you in on another little gem I have from MY cancer. MY cancer was hormone driven. So, for the next 10 years, I have to take anti hormonal medications to help prevent the cancer from returning. The biggest risk to me with this medicine I am on, is the risk of blood clots in my legs. I cannot sit at a desk or in a vehicle of any kind for more than 2 hours at a time. What this means, travel wise, is that when I travel, we have to stop every 2 hours for me to get out and walk for about 10 - 15 minutes to prevent blood clots. I also take aspirin the week leading up to my trip and the week of my trip. AND.... I wear compression socks. (I am wearing those daily now anyway since I am working again) So, when I go anywhere, say for example, Chicago... We have to stop half way so that I can get out and walk for a few. We have been to Chicago in the last few months. Had to stop half way there and half way home. Stopping is much more enjoyable than getting blood clots. However, when we went to Florida, which would be about 15- 17 hours, flying seemed a much better option! We flew down in about 2 hours! If we had driven, can you imagine stopping every 2 - 2 1/2 hours?! It would take us 2 days to get there! New York is about 9 hours away. Again, how stinkin long would it take us to get there if we drove! So, we flew. 

You would think a year later, that saying to these women, I had breast cancer, I have prosthetic breasts would get easier. It is embarrassing and humiliating to stand there and say I don't have all my girl parts like you! These boobs that make me look like a woman aren't mine. It still hurts! It hurts to say I fought breast cancer this past year. Maybe at some point, it won't hurt anymore... I hope so! 

I had anxiety attacks the whole time we were gone. I think dreading going thru security again was part of it. I have continued writing my blog because there are still emotions that I am going thru one year later and there are still issues that come up that you don't always know about! I want others going thru this terrible fight to know what is ahead of you... forever! 

In other news, I see my surgeon tomorrow for a check up. Will keep you posted. 

I will also blog again soon about all the emotions still going on. It's hard. I pray that someday, it isn't hard. 

Love and peace my friends. 

What a year!

It's been a year! That is meant in multiple ways... It has been a year (and a month) since I had my double mastectomy. It has been one crazy year! 

How are things one year out? Well, I have found out that my immune system is seriously not back to normal, no matter what the labs say. A few weeks ago, I was sick for 5 weeks straight. I had 2 back to back urinary tract infections, one that had me bed bound with a 103 fever. I spent the week after that trying to continue to recover and developing a cough. The cough got worse and worse to the point, I ended up with high fevers again, 102 thank you very much! I was then diagnosed with pneumonia! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! So, I am no longer taking my immune system for granted. 

My mind says that I am back to normal and life is great. My body says differently. My body says you are so silly! You need rest! You need recovery! 

Example: I started back to work. I am so fortunate to have obtained a job at The Ohio State University James Cancer Hospital. I am an outpatient case manager. I am still in training. The training process is long. I had classroom work initially (which is when I had pneumonia). Now I am working in the inpatient setting as a case manager. The idea is that I can perform my job better in the outpatient setting if I have an understanding of what occurs in the inpatient setting. I will be working inpatient until May 12. This job is a Monday - Friday job, 8 - 4:30. No weekends. No holidays. AWESOME! Then, throw in that this job is a part time job, I only work 4 days a week/ 32 hours. But Ohio State considers that full time. So I get all the full time benefits. 

So, I go to work Mon - Thurs right now. However, I come home every day and am so so tired. I usually have to just rest and go to bed early every night instead of doing things around the house. Also, the oral chemo I'm on, the tamoxifen, cause my legs to hold water. I have to take lasix for this and wear compression socks. yippee! I'm old! It's really hard to mentally understand all this. When I am so exhausted every day. But it's getting better. 

My hair.... Well, it's growing! It's very curly. My eyebrows returned but not completely. They are thinner than they were. Thankfully my eyelashes came back! Of course, mascara helps them a lot! I also use an eyebrow pencil to help my thin little eyebrows. 

What am I still fighting? I fight myself! I worry some that the cancer will come back. I worry that I will get myleodysplastic syndrome which is something that people can get as a serious side effect from the chemotherapy. I worry about my brain... learning this new job has been HARD! I think part of it is because of chemo brain. There are days I just can't think. How do you explain that to people? Sorry, I used to be smarter but thanks to chemo there are days and times I just can't think. So I fight myself! 

I am still fighting breast cancer with oral chemotherapy. I take the tamoxifen every day. I will take this until my body officially goes thru the change, then I will be switched to armidex. I will take one of these for 10 years. The real down side of this is that the tamoxifen is causing edema. It makes me crazy! I'm talking 1 - 2 + edema. When I travel, it is so much worse! It takes days to get that fluid off of me. 

I'm fighting my blood sugar. My primary doc has changed my meds a couple times. We are trying to get my blood sugar back under control. It is NOT easy. It is SO HARD! I'm trying. She's trying. In conjunction with that...

I'm fighting my weight. I put on weight. Yes, I put ON weight! The steroids and the decreased activity caused me to put on about 20- 25 pounds. I'm trying to get it off. My doctor, with the changes she made in my medicine, is trying to help too. I am so embarrassed by my weight. I have no boobs but have a HUGE butt! I would like to run again, but thanks to the chemo, my hips and knees hurt. UGH!! 

I think about things that probably need to be said on a daily basis, however, right now, chemo brain! Can't think of them! 

Well, that is all for this entry! 

Much love to you all! 

Love and peace. 

pneumonia

I wanted to write in my blog about it being the one year anniversary of my double mastectomy. But, life took another direction! 

The week of my one year anniversary I was diagnosed with PNEUMONIA! I was actually diagnosed with pneumonia one year to the day that I received my pneumonia vaccine!!! Why should I write about this in a blog dedicated to breast cancer? Well, because according to the physician I was treated by, thanks to my cancer, my immune system is still "out of whack". So.... I digress... here's what happened... 

I felt fine... had a bit of a cough on Monday last week (3/27) and came home. I could feel a fever coming on that night. But, for the record, two weeks before I had been bed bound with a urinary tract infection and sinus junk and a fever of 103! (of course, that is not by any means a record fever for me!). So, I had chills and said, I'm going to bed early. I can nip this in the bud. Tuesday comes, I feel, eh... but go to work... cough a lot, but keep on. Came home, went straight to bed. I was beat, temp went up to 102. I know I'm sick, but I just started this new job! What do I do?  Wednesday, I am dying. I make it through work but am just miserable. I am chilled to the bone. Out of breath with everything I do. I make it home. 
I collapse in the bed. Temp is up to 103. Brad is debating what to do. Take me to urgent care? Take me to the ER? I say if you aren't sure call the doctor. He gets the on call doc who basically says if she needs seen call the office in the morning. So... I suffer thru. Thursday I get to work. I talk with my educator and she tells me that there is a clinic on campus that employees can go to. We call, I get an appointment. Get over there (nothing is close, NOTHING!) It was a 4 block walk to get there. I get in, get seen by the doctor and the nurse practitioner.... I have pneumonia. She wrote me a script for antibiotics even though she is not certain if it is viral pneumonia or bacterial pneumonia. She also wrote for an inhaler. What a mess! Then she sends me home! 

I had to go speak with my boss and tell her I have pneumonia. I have been coming to work all week with pneumonia and now need to go home. She is surprised, but at the same time says I need to go home and take care of myself! I need to rest and take care of me. She was so nice about it! 

I am stopping here to say that God has blessed me with this job. They are so nice to me and so understanding! They are practically bending over backwards with kindness. I am so blessed! 

So.... I let my husband know. He is crushed. Why? He worries about my health so much! He is upset and tells me I need to go home and go to bed. Not a worry! Those are my plans EXACTLY! 

I have never coughed so violently in my life! I have, however, felt this bad! I've done chemo, remember! I just never imagined that I was going to have to feel that way again, especially so soon! 

So, what does this have to do with anything? Even though you are done with chemo, it does not mean that cancer is done with you! I have been done with chemo since November but cancer is still trying to wreck havoc in my life! 

If you are reading this and are still in the throws of chemo, hang on! If you have finished chemo... be knowledgeable of your body! Take care of your body! If you feel bad, don't wait, go to the doctor! 

So.... I follow up with my doctor this coming Friday... I will update... :) 

Remember, take care of yourself. 

Love and peace.