One year anniversary "you have cancer"

Today is the one year mark of hearing the words no one wants to hear "You have cancer." I remember it very well. Brad went with me to my family physicians office. She didn't play around (which I appreciate). She came in the room and said "We got your biopsy results back and I'm sorry, you have breast cancer." Brad and I just sort of took in what she had said. Before we left that day, she prayed with us after telling us that I had an appointment with a surgeon in 2 days. 

So, what followed was craziness! Multiple appointments, getting two new doctors, tests, tests and more tests. Finally getting a surgery date. Then having a SECOND surgery because the first surgery revealed more than we knew going in. Then of course the chemo. Oh the chemo. 

I will share a brief bit of what cancer has stolen from us in this past year. Then I will share what cancer (unintentionally) has GIVEN us. 

Cancer stole my figure. Brad always told me I had an hour glass figure and even when I was heavy, I was always proud of my breasts because, quite frankly, it took me long enough to get them! (Like age 16 1/2). I loved having a curvy figure! Cancer stole that. 

Cancer stole my self identity and self worth. I identified as a curvy woman. I have told Brad, I no longer have any girl parts! I've had a hysterectomy and now I have no boobs! Plus, I have always had a low self esteem and ALWAYS feel self conscious when I go out. I want to look good. Cancer caused me to feel embarrassed of my looks and more self conscious and more down and scared. Cancer stole that. 

Cancer stole my hair. I was bald as a cucumber all summer. I was embarrassed of my bald head. I was embarrassed when I had no eyelashes or eyebrows. I always loved my hair and enjoyed dying it bright colors like magenta, pink, purple or red with blonde highlights! I loved putting it in a ponytail or french braiding it. Cancer stole that. 

Cancer stole my waist. What? Yeah... Thanks to steroids, I gained the average 20 pounds during chemo. Women either drop weight (and usually too much!) or the gain. Of course, I would gain. My waist is not like it was! Cancer stole that. 

Cancer stole my income. I used all my sick pay and then was denied for long term disability. I have not worked since last March and not been paid since late June. My company was not able to hold my position, so I have no job to return to. Cancer stole that. 

Cancer stole possessions. There were possessions (mainly Brad's truck) that we lost because we had to survive. That hurt. I hated Brad selling his truck. Rebekah's car completely died. Not fair! Cancer stole that. 

But, guess what? Cancer was not in charge of this journey! GOD WAS! 

Cancer stole my figure.... Well, guess what? The first words my husband spoke to me the day that cancer took my figure were "Hello beautiful". The words my husband spoke when I could take the bandage/ wrapping off when I said "What do you think?" (he looked at my flat chest and said "I think you're beautiful". So, cancer you lost that one! You lost because the man I love didn't care! He thinks I'm still beautiful and tells me so and tells me I'm sexy and he loves me! God gave me a great man. 

Cancer stole my self worth and identity... I had my identity wrongly placed on my body. My self worth does not matter on my looks. My identity is being the daughter of the King of Kings! My self worth is that Jesus died for me! So, guess what cancer, you lost that one too! Jesus loves me no matter what I look like and as long as I realize that I am worth so much that someone DIED for me and He counts me among His people... I am worth so much more than flesh. I am a daughter of the King. 

Cancer stole me hair... My family told me multiple times that I have a cute little head. I came to a point that I felt comfortable being bald. I got to wear cute hats. I learned how to accent my eyes when I had no eyelashes and how to draw on eyebrows! I watched hair start to grow and am continuing to watch it come in! I finally have the curly curly hair I always wanted! Plus, my hair is grey and blonde! So, I finally can prove to everyone I am truly a natural blonde! So ha ha cancer, you lost that one too! 

Cancer stole my waist... Well, that's a work in progress! I'm eating healthier (thanks to cancer!) and working out again! It will take time, but I will get it back! Plus, I have found out I am so much more than flesh! So nana nana boo boo cancer! You lost again! 

Cancer stole my income... While I am still hunting for a the job that God wants me to have, it's ok. Know why? So many people have felt God tug on their hearts and they have given us financial gifts. God has provided for us in ways I never would have dreamed of! We have been able to survive on so much less! What cancer thought would do us in, absolutely has not! 

Cancer stole possessions... Brad sold his truck. Rebekah's car died. But God provided for us by getting us a Volkswagen Beetle and by us still having my brother's Chevy Blazer. We were able to use the money from Brad selling his truck to help us survive. God came thru in mighty ways! 

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good." Genesis 50:20. 

"Job stood up and tore his robe in grief. Then he shaved his head and fell to the ground to worship. He said, 'I came naked from my mother's womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord." Job 1:20 - 21

You never know how you will react when this happens. My family gathered around me and loved me thru it. My husband took his marriage vows seriously when he said he would take me in sickness and in health. He loved me thru it and quite frankly, they are STILL loving me thru it as I am not done fighting yet! 

One year ago today, I was told something life altering and devastating. However, one year ago today, God stood with me. God stood beside me all the way. God pushed me and pulled me and held me and loved me. 

Cancer loses. God wins.