Saturday, December 31, 2016

The last day of 2016

Today is the last day of 2016. What a year! I wanted to share a few thoughts I have at the end of the year. In this last year, as you know, I have had a lot of opportunities to reflect.

Life is short. Very short. It goes by so quick. Make sure you do what is important and make sure you know who is important. 

Tell those you love that you love them. Make sure you do it! 

Keep up on annual tests that are needed... Prostate exams and the corresponding PSA test. Mammograms. Hemoglobin A1C. You feel like something is wrong, tell you doctor about it and don't stop until you are satisfied. I have a friend who is in her early 40's. Her husbandT was having some odd feelings and shortness of breath. They pushed and pushed for answers and such. Their doctor agreed with them, did a heart cath and this YOUNG MAN had to have stents placed in his heart! Listen to your body! I personally was trying to figure out what was wrong with me from last August and on. I didn't feel good. Couldn't pin point it. Exausted all the time. Finally, the answer came on February 8th. I had cancer. But I knew something was wrong. Listen to your body! 

Friends and family are valuable. When you go thru trials, you will find out who really loves you and who will be there for you. Whether they are with you physically or with you in spirit from a distance, you will know who is there. You also need to be there for THEM! Remember that when THEY go thru hard times, that you should be there for them. If you haven't been in the past, ask for forgiveness and move forward. Today is a new day. Tomorrow is too. 

Possessions are just material things that don't matter. You don't always get to keep them. Sometimes you just hold them for a little while, then release them. And that is ok. If you hold onto those things too long, they start to take control of you. Let them go. They don't matter. 


This last year, I learned that people can really be there when you need them. That I need to be there more for others  and that we are all connected. God connects us. We really are just 6 people away from knowing everyone in the world. People will give of themselves to you and if you reject their offerings, you may be robbing them of a blessing. Don't rob someone of a blessing. If someone wants to give to you, accept their gift as a blessing. Remember to give back. 

Love and Peace . 

Friday, December 9, 2016

blessings - Trust God

As I sit at home and get ready to go to Athens today, I thought I would reflect on some blessings that have occurred since I have had breast cancer, 

I worked up until I had my surgeries. That was a blessing. I was able to keep going and keep an income coming in. 

I had 12 weeks of sick time. Part of that sick time paid me 100% of my pay, part of it only 60%, but that was still income for the first 12 weeks I was off work! Then I had 2 weeks vacation time. I used that too, but again, I got paid for 14 weeks! That was a huge blessing! I have been off work 39 weeks. That's a long time.... of course, this has been a long journey! 

We were set back mentally and emotionally... I was denied for Long Term Disability. The company that handles that for my employer said in our policy it stated that my breast cancer was a pre-existing condition. This was because I was diagnosed within the 3 months prior to the date that they determined as my insurability date. I panicked. I prayed. Brad told me to trust God. So I did. 

After I no longer had an income... we were panicked. What would we do? How would we survive? We weren't sure. However, Brad told me repeatedly to trust God. I said I do, but... There was to be no buts! We were to trust God. and God showed us. 

Since I have been off, we have had friends and acquaintances bring us meals. We have had friends and family give us gift cards to Kroger, Wal Mart and restaurants! We have had friends and family donate to us financially, either through the go fund me account or directly to us! God has truly provided. 

I am reminded that I have a home to come home to with an affordable house payment. My car was paid off in August. What a huge blessing that was. 

Brad, had the foresight and the selflessness to sell his truck. He got such a great deal on his truck last year, purchased it from work for much less than it was worth. Well, in turn, he recognized that I was not going to be able to return to work. He sold his truck. We were down one vehicle. But, God, being God, knew this would happen. Nothing is a surprise to Him. Because Brad works in the wholesale tire business, there was a repair shop they had sold tires to that had a vehicle. A VW Beetle! (I love Volkswagen's. I really do! and a beetle? AAAHHHH). The person that owned the Beetle, had brought it in for repairs, the man hit a lot of financial turmoil and could not pay for the repairs. The shop got the title off of him and just wanted paid for the repairs. So, we took some of the money he sold his truck for and bought the beetle! Rebekah's car broke down and the cost to repair it was too much. We gave her my car and I was going to drive the Beetle. Brad would drive my brother's old car. When my brother died, we took his Chevy Blazer. Fixed it and have had it since. That car has helped out Cody and now is helping us out! So... in all the vehicle issues... God had a plan. 

The remaining money from the sale of Brad's truck has helped us survive. That is almost gone now. But that's ok. Friends have still helped out. 

It's Christmas time. I was upset because I wasn't going to be able to get my grandson's Christmas presents. A friend came thru and gave us a financial gift. Another friend provided us with meals this past week! Another money saver! Then, my daughter took me shopping at Kohl's... She works there. It was friends and family week... So, I only purchased items that were on sale. Then, she had 2 separate friends and family discounts I could use. Then we were able to use her employee discount. On top of that, she gave me the Kohl's cash that she and her husband had! My total came to $31. Then... my daughter paid the $31!!! That was AWESOME! 

We are tight for money now.... More tight that we have been all along this journey. My employer is no longer holding my position for me. I was released to return to work part time, but they were unable to bring me back part time. They need someone to work full time and they need someone now. They need help. So, I was not able to return to work as we thought I would be able to. But, you know what? It's ok. It's gonna be ok. I don't know how. But it will. 

We have presented God with our tithes the entire time I have been off work. We tithe when we go to church on Sundays. God's word has told us "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it" Malachi 3:10

We have seen this blessing for 9 months now. Cancer has not stopped us from praising God. Cancer has not stopped us from surviving financially. Cancer has not won. Satan has not won. God has blessed us. Far more than we deserve. God has blessed us. 

Please know He can bless you too. In this season of giving, He wants to give to you also. 

As I head to Athens today to prepare to graduate with honors, I am blessed. God has a plan for me and for my life. He has one for you too. Accept it. Accept His Son. You will be blessed! 

Love and Peace..... 

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Going to Graduate!


Image result for ohio universityDoing this blog in Green..... Why? Because Ohio University's colors are Green and White!  




I will officially be an alum of Ohio University this coming Saturday December 10! I am very excited proud. I really am! This journey was a hard one.... 

When I first went to college, back in the late 80's, early 90's, I was first a married woman, then a pregnant woman, then a mother of a baby. I had to quit school two years in because it was just too hard. I quit school to be with my family. I then focused on being a wife and mom. I had another baby. Then my mother became terminal. I took care of mom in our home until she passed away. Life continued and then a couple years after mom passed, I felt God pushing on my heart and breathing on me hard. I knew I had to go back to school. 

One day, I came home and told Brad, I'm going back to school. When he asked? Oh, Monday! I could not stand to have the pressure from the Lord anymore and knew I had to obey... so, I went to Clark State and talked to them, turns out the quarter was getting ready to start and I signed up! God provided. In so many ways! I was provided scholarships and grants to cover tuition for the entire time I went to school there! Blessing to being poor, I got grants!!! Image result for clark state community college

So, back to school for Sara! I changed majors as well. I changed from Elementary Education to Registered Nursing. I graduated in June 2002. Very proud then. It was hard! I had two young children and a husband that was a McDonald's General Manager who worked crazy hours! If it were not for my dad helping out at times and my grandma babysitting (even overnight!) the kids would have missed out on things and I would have missed out on some things for school! I studied for school at baseball, softball and soccer games! It was not easy, but I did it! I graduated with my associates degree in Registered Nursing June 2002.... and we had a great party too! Image result for nurse

Fast forward several years.... I feel God pressing on me again. Pushing me that I need my bachelors degree. Ok... I"m gonna do it. I check online and look at things... I schedule a visit locally with Ohio University and Wittenberg University to talk about their RN to BSN programs. What to do? God pushes and leads me to Ohio University. I enroll and start courses there, Spring semester 2015. 

It would be something to think that I just took my courses and graduated. But no. That would be someone else. I endured challenges. These challenges were even more than having two young children and such like when I got my Associates Degree. 

I had been in school a few days and my son moved back home. My son, age 24 and HIS two sons ages 9 months and 2 years. So, my empty nest became crowded. VERY crowded. Then my son had some problems. Some people know about it some don't. I am not completely comfortable sharing everything that happened here, but let me say it was not easy. On him, on us. It was rough. Holy cow.... We got thru that and I finished my first semester back in college. 

Fall semester 2015. I was taking 4 classes. One of my courses was statistics. Yes, statistics! AAARRRGGGG. A couple times I sat down with a guy at work that has his MBA. He helped me understand some stuff. I made it out of that course with a B! So... school is going along. My son and grandsons are still living with us. Still a bit of a challenge. 

Image result for breast cancer clipart
Spring semester 2016. This is our year! My daughter will graduate in April and get married in June! Then I will graduate in December.... God said, yes, all this will occur, but... you will have more challenges. 
On January 29, we found the lump. On February 8, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. All of this going on, I finished my first course for this semester. 
March 14, I have my first surgery, a lumpectomy - sentinel node biopsy - placement of my port. I'm in the last part of my second course. During this second course, I also had multiple tests I had to go thru so that my cancer is treated appropriately. 

March 30, second surgery. Double mastectomy and lymphnodectomy. So, I'm in my last class of the semester. Trying to recover and heal. Finally finish this class and my daughter graduates as well! 

Then August 2016. I start my final semester. I am glad to be in the home stretch. I am also doing chemotherapy once a week! I feel like total poo and still work thru these courses. My final course will be a preceptor course. Thankfully my dear friend Jennifer who is a nurse practitioner has agreed to be my preceptor! 

Now... here we are... the week of graduation! I'm going to graduate!!! I am going to get my bachelors degree!!! There were people when I was diagnosed with cancer who told me, maybe you should take a break from school and just focus on your health. There were those who would have done that. I couldn't. I know me. I needed to continue. There are those who may not march in the ceremony. Not me! I have worked too hard and been thru too much to not march! I am marching with all those 20somethings. I worked hard. Thru family trials, dramatic changes in my household and fighting the battle of my life! I am marching! 

I am proud of myself. I have worked hard. So hard! We have had such financial issues this time. My family makes too much to get grants. Even when I no longer got paid from my job (which I still do not get paid from my job). (Yes, I did get financial aid, student loans. )  I kept on. I continued to fight thru my family struggles. Thru my surgeries. Thru my chemotherapy. Thru everything. I fought to get this degree and I GOT IT!!  So, I am marching. Image result for graduation clipart

God has a plan for everything. When I was in high school, I wanted to go to Ohio University. I really wanted to go there. I wanted to major in communications. No one really encouraged me. My parents just sort of said, that's nice. My high school didn't do much for me. I took the advanced placement courses, but I wasn't in the top percentage of the class so no one encouraged me there. No one in my immediate family had been to college, so I had no one to direct me. So... when I graduated high school, I just went to work. But, all these years later, I am graduating from Ohio University. I really am! I cannot say how glad I am and how proud I am and how excited I am. 
I am decorating my cap. I have a new outfit. I am really doing this! 
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Throughout all of this, my husband has stood beside me. Braden George Espich is truly a great husband. He stood by me years ago when I was in college. Then when I returned to Clark State, he stood by me and helped however he could. This time... Well, this man. He helped me and encouraged me. Even asked me, is all your homework done? That was always funny to hear. He drove me to Athens one Saturday to take a statistics exam. If I was not happy with a grade, he listened to me whine. If I thought that things were going well, he celebrated with me. If things were hard, he let me lean on him. Thru it all what I heard from him was how proud of me he is and how much he loves me. He pushed, he pulled and he stood beside me as I got thru. I could not make it without this man! 


The lesson is, if it's meant to be, it will happen. If you want it bad enough, you will achieve it. 
Life has tried to shove things in my way. My first degree was hard. This degree was even harder. Not just the courses, but the life that happened. But here I am. 

What is ahead for me? Well, I don't know, but when God presses it on my heart, I will follow it! 

For now, I am just proud to say I made it this far! 

Image result for ohio university

one month out.

I am one month out from completing chemotherapy. How am I feeling? Well.... not like I thought I would! I thought that by this time, I would be feeling GREAT! Not so ....  It is still difficult for me to go from a sitting to a standing position because my hips and knees hurt. I still get out of breath with exertion. And... I haven't lost all the weight from the chemo and the steroids. I am disappointed to say the least. 

For some reason, I thought that once I finished with chemo, I would be "all better". You need to keep in mind that I am nurse. We are HORRIBLE patients. We think that we are different than other patients. We think that for some reason our bodies are super bodies that recover better than other bodies. The reason we think we will recover and heal faster is because we have work to do! We have to get out there and take care of people... Sick people... We CAN'T be sick! We can't be down! We have to take care of people! Then throw in the wife and mother factor, we REALLY can't be down... We really need to get well faster! 


My hair has been an interesting journey as well. Brad and Rebekah and my long time dear friend Tammy have said that it is cute. It's still pretty thin. My friend Sally, who ended her chemo a month before me, said give it another month and it will be thick! This past week I decided to stop wearing the wigs. Why? A few reasons. One - how will I hold my graduation cap on my head with a wig too? Also - I need to show the real me and people need to see the real me. I think it is better going forward for that to happen. Oddly (and PLEASE note, I am NOT complaining about this) my leg hair and hair other places is not coming in quite as much as on my head. HOORAY!!! So happy about that! 

I am on the tamoxifen. It is going ok. There are days it makes me nauseous. There are days I'm ok. I am concerned that it is causing me to have swelling in my legs and hands. 

So, here I am at home, feeling not better! WHAT? I have to be better! I did the last chemo! I'm done, right? Then, guess what? I got a cold. A nasty nasty cold that was going thru my home... It started with the little boys, then Brad got it, then me... Well, that has made things hard. 

So, what am I up to besides complaining that I am not feeling back to "normal"? Well... I'm not working. I was released to return to work part time. My company was not able to work with that. So, I'm home still until I can return to work full time. They also posted my job. What that means is they are no longer holding my position for me. When I am able to return, we will discuss what jobs are open and what jobs I am qualified for. However, my job and my bosses job are the only two nursing jobs in the company. Legally, they only had to hold my position for me for 12 weeks. They held it much longer. So, in reality, I'm not sure what job they will have for me when I can return.  It's ok. I'm still not getting paid. But it's ok. God is going to provide. God has continued to provide. 

I've been working around the house. I painted our new bedroom. (We changed rooms with Cody and the boys). It looks wonderful... I painted two and half walls blue, and one and a half yellow.... Then I put cloud decals around the room. It looks like the sky. My next step is to put stars on one part of one wall and across the ceiling! 

We are getting ready to put our Christmas tree up. A dear friend gave us a financial gift so that we can get presents for the boys. Words cannot express how much that means! It means more than I can say! 

I finished up with school (another blog post to come on that). I am graduating this coming Saturday (December 10). I will have my bachelors in nursing! That increases my marketability tremendously! I will look much more appealing to potential employers and possibly my current employer, if I am able to return there. 

We are hanging in there. Life has been hard, but it's been hard before. God has been with us throughout this journey. I know he will continue to be there. 

I will provide more blogs on some of the other things. 

Thanks for listening! Love and peace!