one month out.

I am one month out from completing chemotherapy. How am I feeling? Well.... not like I thought I would! I thought that by this time, I would be feeling GREAT! Not so ....  It is still difficult for me to go from a sitting to a standing position because my hips and knees hurt. I still get out of breath with exertion. And... I haven't lost all the weight from the chemo and the steroids. I am disappointed to say the least. 

For some reason, I thought that once I finished with chemo, I would be "all better". You need to keep in mind that I am nurse. We are HORRIBLE patients. We think that we are different than other patients. We think that for some reason our bodies are super bodies that recover better than other bodies. The reason we think we will recover and heal faster is because we have work to do! We have to get out there and take care of people... Sick people... We CAN'T be sick! We can't be down! We have to take care of people! Then throw in the wife and mother factor, we REALLY can't be down... We really need to get well faster! 


My hair has been an interesting journey as well. Brad and Rebekah and my long time dear friend Tammy have said that it is cute. It's still pretty thin. My friend Sally, who ended her chemo a month before me, said give it another month and it will be thick! This past week I decided to stop wearing the wigs. Why? A few reasons. One - how will I hold my graduation cap on my head with a wig too? Also - I need to show the real me and people need to see the real me. I think it is better going forward for that to happen. Oddly (and PLEASE note, I am NOT complaining about this) my leg hair and hair other places is not coming in quite as much as on my head. HOORAY!!! So happy about that! 

I am on the tamoxifen. It is going ok. There are days it makes me nauseous. There are days I'm ok. I am concerned that it is causing me to have swelling in my legs and hands. 

So, here I am at home, feeling not better! WHAT? I have to be better! I did the last chemo! I'm done, right? Then, guess what? I got a cold. A nasty nasty cold that was going thru my home... It started with the little boys, then Brad got it, then me... Well, that has made things hard. 

So, what am I up to besides complaining that I am not feeling back to "normal"? Well... I'm not working. I was released to return to work part time. My company was not able to work with that. So, I'm home still until I can return to work full time. They also posted my job. What that means is they are no longer holding my position for me. When I am able to return, we will discuss what jobs are open and what jobs I am qualified for. However, my job and my bosses job are the only two nursing jobs in the company. Legally, they only had to hold my position for me for 12 weeks. They held it much longer. So, in reality, I'm not sure what job they will have for me when I can return.  It's ok. I'm still not getting paid. But it's ok. God is going to provide. God has continued to provide. 

I've been working around the house. I painted our new bedroom. (We changed rooms with Cody and the boys). It looks wonderful... I painted two and half walls blue, and one and a half yellow.... Then I put cloud decals around the room. It looks like the sky. My next step is to put stars on one part of one wall and across the ceiling! 

We are getting ready to put our Christmas tree up. A dear friend gave us a financial gift so that we can get presents for the boys. Words cannot express how much that means! It means more than I can say! 

I finished up with school (another blog post to come on that). I am graduating this coming Saturday (December 10). I will have my bachelors in nursing! That increases my marketability tremendously! I will look much more appealing to potential employers and possibly my current employer, if I am able to return there. 

We are hanging in there. Life has been hard, but it's been hard before. God has been with us throughout this journey. I know he will continue to be there. 

I will provide more blogs on some of the other things. 

Thanks for listening! Love and peace!