Well.... another week.... :) 

I have had two chemo treatments with Taxol. It has been ok. It mostly makes me very tired and exausted. For a couple days I feel like I am getting over the flu. I will take this over what the Red Devil (Adriamyacin) did. Last week however, my white blood cell count was 2.9. I don't know what it will be this week.... just when I expect it to be lower, it jumps up high! So, who knows.... Find out tomorrow. 

We sold Brad's truck last week. That was sad. he sold it so that we would have money to keep living during all this. I truly appreciate him doing that, but it makes me sad that he had to. We took some of the money that he got for selling it and purchased a new to us vehicle. It is a VW Beetle. So that is exciting, but I'm still sad.... 

I have not heard officially yet about my Long Term Disability. Last I knew it was most likely going to be denied. However, they have not officially told me that. If they don't tell me, I can't appeal it! I wish they would let me know. Of course, I do not have high hopes for the appeal either. 

I have heard from Social Security. All they wanted to know was who treats me for my depression and does my depression keep me from going to work. I told them and said no, my depression does not keep me from work, however, my cancer does. I know nothing more. 

The kids are growing and Jaxson is supposed to start pre-school after Labor Day. They have a small problem. Jaxson did not get his MMR vaccine with his other shots because I was in chemo. He needs that to start preschool. The MMR vaccine is a live vaccine so I could potentially catch Measles Mumps or Rubella from him if he got that vaccine. However, there is some literature out there that says it is ok to live with someone who had that vaccine. UGH! 

The chemo and steroids I get with the chemo is now seriously affecting my blood sugar. I keep calling my doctors office. They added another pill. Then they increased the pill. I am now seriously cutting carbs out of my diet trying to help. Still in the 200 - 300 range. It went up to 549. The day after chemo it is in the 400's. Plus, they give me those steroids and I just want to eat and eat and eat! It is a serious cycle! I personally wish she would just do sliding scale insulin! 

The chemo (and likely my blood sugar) are causing issues with my eyesight.... It is making me CRAZY!!! It's not like I can go to the eye doctor right now... I really can't go until I have been done with chemo for a couple months. 

What else can I whine about? Well, today I came across my pathology report from my surgery. That was unsettling. But it's over. Physically, it's over. I don't know when it will be over emotionally or mentally for me. 

However, on that note, I had a revelation this past Sunday. We went to Meijer and ran into a woman that went to high school with Brad and presently works with my cousin. She is a breast cancer survivor. We talked for a minute. She had a double mastectomy, but she told me she was like stage -1. So, she did not have to have any chemotherapy or radiation. She had the surgery and was done. She, however, opted NOT to have reconstructive surgery. I was glad to hear that because, personally, I just don't think I want to have that. I keep reading about it and the more I read, the more I think, no thank you! I had 2 major surgeries this year. Do I want one or two more? How much longer will THAT keep me off work? It sounds pretty painful! They put expanders UNDER your MUSCLE! Then each week or every other week, they increase the amount of saline in the expander (hence the name, expander) to stretch out your muscle and skin. Then when the expanders are the correct size for your new breasts, they remove the expanders and replace them with implants. Hooray! Most women do this immediately, like their breasts are removed and then the plastic surgeon implants the expanders. Then while you are recovering the process starts. That reduces the number of surgeries you have. In my case, I could not have the plastic surgeon involved for a couple of reasons. One, he was not going to be available for another month from my surgery. Two, I had a lumpectomy and those results were poor so my surgeon wanted to get me in the OR asap. Three, because they were uncertain of what type of treatments I was going to have to have, I could not have reconstruction until all of my treatments were done. So..... since I coudn't have it immediately, I have been given lots of time to think about it. With all that time, I just keep thinking "NOPE!". Anyway... back to my realization... While talking with Cindy, I said that I didn't think I wanted reconstruction either and that I would likely be comfortable going out without my prosthetic breasts. Then I laughed and said "Like today! I'm in Meijer without breasts!". It is funny. If we go to the store, or Rebekah takes me to the Farmers Market or I go to chemo, I don't wear my breasts. But if I go to church or someplace that I may see a lot of people that I care about, I wear my breasts. So, I guess I AM comfortable without my breasts. Which is odd.... I didn't think I would be. But let me be even more blunt... It is very freeing to be able to get up and put on a shirt and be done! No bra... nothing! Its actually pretty nice! I do still miss my breasts. But it's cool... 

My hair is starting to grow back. I can't tell what color it is. There is discussion about it. Some people say it looks blonde. Some people say it looks gray. I think it looks gray. Of course, with my hair coming in, it also means that I have to shave my legs again... boo! My hair is probably about an 1/8 of an inch or so. So, I'm still wearing hats and wigs. My eyebrows are very slow to return. 

I started back to college this week. I am THREE CLASSES away from my bachelors degree. Holy Cow.... three classes.... If all goes well with the first two classes, then I have my preceptorship (third class) and then.... I graduate December 10!!! BOO YAH! I have to apply to graduate by September 26. I appreciate any and all prayers during this time. I managed to make it last Spring during my diagnosis of cancer and two major surgeries and working. I need to finish this up! 

My last issue this blog is one that I have discussed before. I get lonely. Like I miss having a motherly figure to talk to. Like my mom or even more, my grandma. I sometimes miss adult conversations. But then, I get all goofy and when people may try to call, I clam up and don't feel like talking. It's a weird thing. 
So... if you are bored and want to go to lunch or whatever... text me! I'm hangin out... doing school work..... 

OH GREAT! As I am finishing up this blog, the cancer center calls. Asks why I didn't come to my chemo today, am I feeling alright? I said Today? I thought it was tomorrow at 9:30. No, it was TODAY at 9:30. Then they are so booked (because sadly so many people have cancer and are getting chemo) that they cannot get me IN tomorrow. So, now I go Friday at 10:45. I said blame me. Let's just say it was chemo brain and blame me. They laughed. 
But maybe it was a God-incidence. My white cell count was low last week, this gives me more time to get my white cells up AND gives me a bit more time to get my blood sugar down from the steroids... 

Until next time.... or whenever I remember it.... Peace and Love.