Melt Down at Kohl's

     So, things are moving along as they should.... I had surgery on Tuesday March 29, came home from the hospital on Wednesday March 30, resting at home like I was told. I thought I was doing ok. Not aloud to take a shower or anything, only sponge bathe. So... Just resting trying to wash my face daily at least. My hair... ugh, felt awful. Brad did help me to take a sponge bath Thursday night and wash my hair in the sink. He even shaved my arm pits for me, although the left one was quite difficult. 

 

 

     Rebekah's maid of honor, Faryn was hosting a bridal shower for her at college for her college friends on Sunday. It was my intention to go. I needed some clothes to wear... I mean, clothes that my stupid drains would fit under and may not show as obviously that I have no breasts. Those stupid drains.... They are just irritating and the reason that I cannot shower. 

So Brad and Rebekah had some errands to run, and I got to go! I rode along in the car. When they went in stores, they cracked the windows for me (ha ha). After a lot of questioning, I asked if we could go to Kohl's, maybe I could get a couple shirts. Larger than my normal size, and button down so that I could get in them. Off to Kohl's. They had me ride in a wheelchair. That was interesting, Kohl's is not necessarily handicap accessible. Very tight quarters. I picked out a couple shirts, and a skirt. Rebekah helped me in the dressing room to try them on. 

      I digress for a moment. I needed help because I was still tired from surgery and the pain and burning in my left arm pit area was a LOT. I could not lift my arm all the way and certain movements not only caused pain, but would cause the area in front and behind my shoulder to burn terribly (nerve pain). So, getting dressed daily or trying on clothes or putting on deodorant was not something I could do on my own. I required a lot of assistance. 

     So, off to the dressing room we go. I tried on a couple shirts. A couple skirts. Rebekah left me to see if her dad had found anything else he thought I ought to try. While she was out, I sat there and looked in the mirror. From the neck up, it was me. From the neck down, it was a stranger. There was this person who had my face, but no chest to speak of. No breasts just bandages. She looked swollen and (to me) fat in the arms and thighs. Not me.

But as I took in the reflection, it was indeed me. The current me. No breasts. No cleavage. Swollen. Puffy. Me. I started crying. Not immediate boo hooing. But crying. I was sad. They were really gone. This really happened. It hurt. It hurt a lot. Rebekah came back and hugged me and tried to talk to me. I just cried. Finally, we left the dressing room and I told Brad I just wanted to go home. Poor Brad. He has had to deal with my ups and downs and all that stuff. I just love him. We checked out and headed home. He and Rebekah took care of me. 

     Saturday night I took a tylenol pm and slept quite well. The best I had in awhile. I missed church on Sunday, but got rest. Brad helped me that afternoon to take another sponge bath and wash my hair. Sadly right before that, one of my drains popped open and emptied itself all over my clothes. This happened twice that weekend. Yuk. He helped with that too. Then he took me to Wright State for Rebekah's shower. 

     It was nice to get out. Rebekah and a couple of her bridesmaids as well as her future mother-in-law took care of me. Got me food and kept me comfy. Rebekah received some nice gifts and had a great time. I went home and was pooped. 

     All in all, it was not an unexpected event to melt down in Kohl's. Although the location was not one I would have preferred. I would have liked to have had my meltdown in a private location. But, it's ok. It happened and we will continue to work through these little things and keep going. God has continued to hold me and work with me. He loves me and provided me a wonderful family and wonderful husband to support me and help me. 

Painting of Rebekah in her bridal gown. Painted by Sara Espich.