How do I know God Loves me?

      A while back, I said I would say how I knew that God loves me. I am going to share part of that story now.... 

     When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, God spoke to me and reminded me of different ways he shows his love. But first, a back story ..... 

     In 1996 my mom died. Not of breast cancer, but of complications of diabetes. Her death certificate reads "cause of death: Myocardial Infarction due to Chronic Renal Failure due to Diabetes Mellitus" That was a horrible year for our family. My mom died in April. My granddaddy (my mom's dad) died on Father's Day and 6 days later my father-in-law died (of cancer). Our dog had to be put down in July and the worst ever, 5 days before Christmas my brother-in-law, Bruce Schultz was killed by a teenage drunk driver. My husband lost his father and his brother and had to hold up his wife as she lost her mother and grandfather in one year. It was awful. The loss of Bruce just put it all over the top. 

     During this time, I plunged into the Bible. I have been a Christian since the age of 8 but needed God more now than ever before. I talked with my Grandma and spent more time with her. But I was literally on my knees daily. Praying and reading God's word. There were many times I didn't know where to go... I read James. I read Isaiah and Jeremiah. Then I read Job. There was someone who had endured loss. Job endured loss and pain and physical suffering. Yet, he praised the Lord. Job was told by his wife to curse the Lord. He did not. He had friends come along side of him. They sometimes told him to give up, other times they just sat with him. He questioned God and asked why. God answered him. Job. What an interesting man and what an interesting story. 

     So.... I was diagnosed with cancer. I have breast cancer. I have loved the Lord for most of my life and have had Jesus as MY Lord and Savior for nearly 40 years. Why do I have cancer? Do I really have it when I feel fine? At that time, I did not know what was in store for me.... a lumpectomy (which happened)? A Mastectomy? A Bilateral Mastectomy (which also happened)? Removal of lymph nodes (happened!)? Will I have chemo (yes I will)? Will I need radiation (I'm told I will)? Then I heard the Lord speak to me.... He told me that not only does He love me, but He knows that I love Him! WHAT? How can this be that I know this? Well..... Job. 

     Read Job. In the very beginning of Job, satan approaches the Lord and the Lord asks satan what he has been up to. Satan tells him that he has been prowling the earth and looking all around at people and places. God asks, if satan has considered His servant Job. Satan argues that Job has had life too easy and if things were taken away from him, Job would curse God. God argues and says no way, Job loves me too much. Job loses his children and his wealth. Satan keeps returning to God to argue about Job. He attacks Job's health and takes away so many good things in his life. 

     Please understand, I am not by any means comparing myself to Job in those respects. I certainly do not have wealth. My family has never been wealthy, as a matter of fact, we have been welfare recipients and been on food stamps before. We are now doing ok, but never wealthy. We only have two children and we have (Praise the Lord!) never lost them. We have two grandsons and they are healthy as well. But..... 

     Satan knew that I love God.... he approached God and said, "Does Sara Espich really love you?" The Lord said "Yes." Satan said "she suffers from depression and anxiety. I bet if something even bigger were to hit her, she would curse you and turn from you." God said "She also has diabetes. She has survived her mother's death, her grandmother's death and her brother's death." Satan said, "yeah, but nothing that would threaten her life immediately"... God said "bring it. She LOVES me. She won't turn on me" 

     So, when I was diagnosed with cancer, I found out that not only does God love me, but He knows that I LOVE HIM! How awesome is that? I love Him.... He knows this. He TRUSTS me! He trusts me enough to know that I will not walk away from Him! 

     Praise the Lord! God LOVES ME!!!!