The First Week

So..... On February 8, a Monday.... Brad and I leave work early, meet at home and go to my family doc. They call me back... the nurse had a look on her face. A different look... She didn't say much. My blood pressure was up that day... 150/70... Pretty high for me... She said, "Ok, she'll be right in."... My family doc is a physician's assistant... Danielle came in, sat down and said simply, "well, we got your biopsy results back and I'm sorry, but you have cancer." I said "Well, I figured when you wanted me to come in." My husband, he is so sweet.... He just kept rubbing my back and shoulders.... She told me she didn't know much, they were waiting for the final results to come back. She stepped out to see if they were in. My husband cried. I told him over and over, It's going to be ok. Danielle came back. She said the final results were not in, but they would hopefully be in by Wednesday, as she had already set me up and appointment with a surgeon that she felt I would like a lot. My appointment was for 3pm, Wednesday. "Ok.... Is there anything I can do for you? Anything our office can do for you?" "No", I said... "can't think of anything." "Can I pray with you?" "Oh PLEASE!" She took our hands and prayed over me. Words cannot express what that meant. To have my doctor look to the great healer ... I hugged her... out we went.... At reception, the secretary looked at my diagnosis, and sort of rushed us out... I guess we made her uncomfortable. 

In the car to come home. Brad just cried. I was numb, I suppose. We got home, he cried some more, but we had to go in the house.... We came in... both kids were here... We sat down and paused... then I simply said "I have breast cancer". Silence... Then our daughter cried. And cried. Our son, didn't say much. After we let the emotion go in the room... we started talking. Saying I can beat this. We think it's early. My lymph nodes were ok... white blood cells were normal... I can beat this... I have an appointment Wednesday with the surgeon.... I have to tell family.... your dad is going to go tell my dad tonight.... blah blah blah..... I don't remember everything.... just that it happened.... Cody had to do somethings and took the boys..... Brad had told him that I was not going to be able to be all that I had been and hopefully their mother would be able to help out more. Rebekah had to go back to school and start tech week for her senior dance concert. 

So, Brad left to go tell my father. My mom had passed away in 1996 from complications of diabetes. Apparently Brad thought he got thru to my dad. He talked to him for over 40 minutes. Told Dad's wife as well. Came home.... took me to bed and held me and prayed. 

Tuesday, you would think would be hard... it was.... I told my extended family, but we really didn't grow up extended... We grew up like brothers and sister. My brother passed away in 2012, so I really rely on my cousins.... Brad had called one cousin after telling my dad and tried to reach another.... I just texted them all.... told them.... one by one, responses from them of love and prayer and support and encouragement. The worst part, my dad called me the next day at work. Asked how I was and if I had a plan. I told him my initial thought was to have a double mastectomy. He asked why, especially since it was benign. I said, Dad, I have cancer. "Well, you can't be sure. Your mom had those lumps, but they were fatty tumors" "Dad, I have cancer" "How can you be sure? Brad said it was benign" "No, Dad, it's not. I have cancer. They did a biopsy.... I have cancer." "Well, damn. damn damn damn"....  I had to tell my boss that day and told all my co-workers. Everyone was supportive. 

Wednesday, left work early to see the surgeon. Loved her. 
While we were there I told her that my breast had felt sore lately, since I was told of the diagnosis... Is this in my head or maybe from the biopsy? It could be either she says. When I changed so that she could examine me, Brad looks at my breast. He was stunned. He said, "Um, I think we know why you are sore!" The doctor agreed. It was primarily from the biopsy. Here's a quick peek at what it looked like. 

We were there for 2 hours. She did an exam and explained all my options. At this point, with my biopsy results and exam, she felt I was likely at a stage II A. I had two tumors, one size 1.6cm and one size 0.7cm. Combine the two and that increases the stage. But they are close together. One at 11 o'clock and one at 11:30. Which is good she says. She tells me I can have a mastectomy or a lumpectomy. Lumpectomy I will have to do radiation. Mastectomy I won't. She can't guarantee I will or won't have to do chemo. That will be up to the oncologist. Mastectomy, I can have reconstruction... it will take 6 months.... "um, our daughter is getting married in June." "Oh we can have you in surgery and done with radiation by then". We felt encouraged. I cried and cried and cried that night. It was relief and some sadness. Told the kids, told the family. Of course, Dr Daniels was referring me to have some tests to be sure the cancer had not spread.... I need a CT scan of the abdomen and pelvis, bone scan and chest xray. They will refer to oncologist. 
My best friend says that if Brad cannot go with me for tests, she will go. I want to argue that I'm fine and go by myself.... that is not going to be heard.... Brad, Tammy (my best friend) and Rebekah all say, you are not going alone... 

Thursday, Dr Daniels office calls.... I am having my tests the next week on Wednesday, fast for 4 hours prior.... I will have to have dye injected and then wait 3 or 4 hours then have bone scan. But I can eat in between CT scan and bone scan. No appointment with oncologist yet. I let Brad know about the tests.... he asks if I would be upset if Tammy takes me for the tests or goes with me... no, that's fine... I text Tammy, she immediately says yes, before she knows if she even can get the day off work! But it's good... she's gonna go. Everyone is happy I'm not going alone... It's just tests.... but I guess it means they love me and are trying to support me. 
End of the day, no appointment with oncologist. Brad calls, left a message. 

Friday.... Dr Daniels office calls again... they have not heard from oncologist office, but say to give it til Monday then call them. I felt the Lord pushing me... so I called them then... They said they had not gotten to it yet, but could do it now... she gets back on the phone "Sara, you won't believe this, but we have an opening Monday. Can you come at 2:30?" Um YES! 
So, after work, home to finish my homework (yes, I'm a college student too! Finishing my bachelors degree). I had to finish my class..... got that done... off to bed! I locked myself in my room.... Didn't want the grandbabies to interrupt needed the quiet.  

So another long weekend.... to church on Sunday.... people have found out, which is good... more people to pray.... telling my story so far... love encouragement support.... Sermon talked about what happens when we die.... our life is examined... and things that we have done will possibly be jewels, gold, silver or straw, wood... Life our lives so that we make jewels and gold and silver, even through the hard times... After lunch, we came home... I put my jammies back on and took a nap... After my nap, finished homework for my other class (2 weeks left in there!).... watched some tv and just zoned out.... off to see the oncologist tomorrow... ugh! 

I cannot believe this is my life! I feel fine! How can I have cancer when I feel fine? I don't feel sick... I don't look sick... How can I have this illness that is trying to kill me? I don't understand....