So, Last week had my first chemo.... things went as expected, then... on Saturday (4 days later), I felt a little better... Brad and I walked about 200 feet. I sat in the yard directing what to pull in the flower bed for about a half hour. I ate a slice of pizza for dinner!!!
Sunday morning, got up for church and Mother's Day. My son got me fresh cut flowers and a gorgeous hanging basket (photos to follow of basket at least). We went to church. It was awesome. Went to lunch with my daughter and future son-in-law. Mexican! (can you believe it?) I had part of a "carne asada" meal. It was delicious!
Life was moving on til Sunday night.... I refunded (vomited) a lot of things that night and cried and cried and cried. I was scared, but also did NOT feel good. I had become weaker thru the day..... Monday morning, up I got to prepare for work. Going back half days. Took a shower (I have a shower chair to sit in). Got out, worked really hard to get my breath and my protonix (pill) refunded. After doing that for a bit, I lay on the bathroom floor for awhile as my daughter called Brad and my boss. Not going in.
A bit later, Rebekah called my oncologists office. I was so dizzy I could NOT hold my head up and I could not walk 30 feet from my couch to the bathroom without help. Then it got worse. Brad called to check on me. I didn't have strength to talk. He came home. I was convinced that my Hemoglobin as low and I needed a transfusion. He carried me to the truck and informed me we were going to the hospital. He called Dr Filix's office on the way.
The ER was not a fun trip. In short - REFUSED to use my port. Told me they weren't allowed. Dr Filix told me the next day that this is a lie. Basically could not find anything wrong with me. I had a U/A, CT with and without contrast of my head and chest, CXR (PA and Lat), labs, labs labs..... told me I was dehydrated (although I repeatedly said to them that I had not had any food or drink since Sunday night because I was vomiting it up).... I got 2 bags of 0.9 NS and sent home. I also got a HUGE Hematoma on my hand where they MISSED trying to get blood/ an IV going...
The next day Brad took me to see Dr Filix.... He said the chemo was too strong. But of course, you don't know if the chemo is too strong for each person until they try it. It happens. So after a lot of discussion, We are dropping the cytoxan (my request) because I have seen and heard from too many women, the cytoxan has sent to them to the ER for breathing issues. The cytoxan did this, did that. All I know is that while the cytoxan infused, my face, left side became numb. I went away, that day, but STILL comes back. No. no more. I even had said if they say they "can't" unprescribe it, that I will refuse it. But Dr Filix said, no more if that is my choice. The previous plan was Adriamycin (the red devil) and Cytoxan every 14 days. New plan is reduce the total dose of the Adriamycin by 10%, stop the Cytoxan. The Adriamycin will now be administered every 21 days not 14, but not quite like that.... On day 21 I will have HALF of the new does, then 8 days later have HALF of the second dose. We will get thru this round of chemo and then possibly increase the doses of the next drug in the second round.
I cried most of Tuesday morning.... we had a women's gathering at church that night and I was suposed to give a cardboard testimony. After much prayer and support, I was able to attend. The only day all week I have walked on my own and sat up for more than an hour and did my testimony. It was over 3 hours that night. I will dedicate a special blog for that,... I was COVERED in prayer.... :)
So, the rest of this week, I have NOT returned to work. I have barely moved out of bed. I have drank so much blue Gatorade, that I see it again when it leaves my body. I lost 12 pounds in one week. Never in my life had a doctor tell me to eat. More than once he said eat. I'm not hungry. I really do eat when I am. I am drinking. Water and Gatorade. I promise.
I'm just laying around.... but sleeping?
No sleep. Little sleep. They put me back on steriods... well, steriods in, sleep leaves... I"m so tired and so weak and dizzy. but no sleep. I have been up to 2 and 3 in the morning then up again around 7:30 or 8 because those stupid steriods. I am seeking alternate help for appetite and energy. Ask for something for sleep you say? Ok, they have prescribed Ativan, Trazadone... can take them together they said... can increase the dose they said.... So, awake and feeling like something is not right like I'm buzzed..... finally my body caves into the sleep....
How to end this week? Well, Rebekah has a bridal shower in Chicago Saturday. I'm going. Come hell or high water, I'm going. So, Rebekah, her maid of honor, Faryn, Brad and myself are heading there this afternoon. Because of this week, I now have a wheelchair and I have a handicap placard for my car. So I'm going....
My hair started changing.... feels straw like and wire like. slowly starting to fall out. Where my head rests it is MUCH thinner. I have no energy or strength to fix it. All my color is gone from my hair. I said I want it buzzed. My husband... he complies.... I said I can't go away and have to look good and not be able to do my hair.... So, he buzzed it, mostly.... It's pretty short... I can just wear it like this or I can put a wig or hat or scarf on too. I know the real hair loss is coming. It's coming. But with how I feel right now, no way I can do anything. I want to look less like an escaped mental patient so this is my only hope. :)
So.... here we go! We also celebrated Jaxson's 4th birthday this week.... I am staying off work for a bit more... Rebekah tried on her wedding dress and it fits! and life is moving on.... they hysterical highlight of the week yesterday.... the boys were in my room, going in and outside... then Jaxson accidentally shut Tucker's hand in the door.... I needed help.... so, I yelled I need an adult! I need an adult! Apparently I am not an adult... At least not a functioning adult.... Oh sweet muffins.... this is going to be a fun ride!!!!!!
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