tamoxifen to arimidex

How did I get to a new oncologist and what was the deal with the bad of Tamoxifen? I will attempt to address that here... 

So, I went in September for my check up with my oncologist. Leading up to that time, I had sunken to an all time low. Lower than I had ever been in my life. So low. I didn't care if I lived or died. I felt completely dead inside. There was one thing I could trace it all to. Tamoxifen. 

When I went on Tamoxifen, I had to stop Wellbutrin. An antidepressant (an SSRI to be exact). SSRI's reduce the efficacy of Tamoxifen. I followed blindly. Like a lemming. Now, keep in mind, what happened to me does NOT happen to all people. I'm just special. :) 

My doctor that handles my antidepressants adjusted my medication to make up for the loss of the SSRI. That was fine. I was going to be ok. I just knew it. 

Life went on. I went on vacation. I got a new job. I loved my new job. I lost some weight. Summer came. I auditioned for a musical and got in. Went to rehearsals. All the while I declined. My fatigue did not improve. My mental state did not improve. In fact, they got worse. 

I never really talked about it to anyone. I was cancer free! Wasn't life great? My surgeon told me that PTSD was normal. So, I went to my doctor and was placed on anti-anxiety medication. This is normal. I just needed more help. I had PTSD. Life is going on. 

While life went on, I continued to decline. I got to a point that I would come home from work and just sit and stare. Seriously. That's what I did. I would go to rehearsal or see my dad in the nursing home and sit and stare at the TV or whatever. In that time, my dad died. I declined further. My dog died. Further down. 

Life was going to improve. We were going to go on vacation to Myrtle Beach. The BEACH! The ocean! I love the ocean. The Sun... my grandson was going to start kindergarten. Life was good! I still declined... 

I started crying every day. But not like crying crying. Just having tears roll down my face. Brad told me he had serious concerns about me. I told him (finally) I would do whatever he wanted. I just didn't care. I would do it, but I didn't think it would matter. 

The show we were in went on. We performed. I was miserable. I was dead inside. 

I went to my oncology appointment. A Week prior, I had labs drawn. The labs showed I was post menopausal. Of course at the lab visit, the office staff told me I was wrong about the date of my visit. It seems they saw that there were two appointments scheduled and took it upon themselves to cancel one. I thought I had done that when I scheduled the second appointment. They screwed it up. Blamed me and I cried. and cried. and cried. I saw the oncologist. I had written out a ton of questions. Brad had to ask them because all I could do was cry. Just sat there with tears rolling down my face.  I was told that I needed to go to therapy. I said I wanted to go off the tamoxifen so that I could get back on the wellbutrin. I was asked why I went off the wellbutrin. Well, because you told me to. I need to get back on it. I was told that there may be some new studies that show you can take SSRI's while on Tamoxifen. (since when? what?). I just needed therapy and a positive attitude. You're fine. So, my oncologist VERY reluctantly agreed to let me go off tamoxifen and start arimidex. (which i was previously told I could do if my labs showed i was post menopausal). 

I left that day and cried and cried and cried. But I was STOPPING the Tamoxifen. End of story. and that weekend... my husband took me away. and that was when I started to breathe again.